Popular The Office Quotes
Jim: I gotta make an example out of him. Should I just fire him?
Pam: Can you actually fire people?
Jim: To be honest I don't know. But maybe I could just yell at him in front of people.
You're the deuce I never wanna drop.
Andy
I don't have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies I'm going to kill myself.
Andy
Jim: Can't you do something about this?
Robert: Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim.
Oscar: So, Pam told me you do a great Stanley impression. I'd love to hear it.
Jim: Oh, um. "Why do you keep CCing me on things that have nothing to do with me?"
Stanley: Is that supposed to be me?
Jim: Oh, hey, Stanley. Uh, I was just doing an impression.
Stanley: I do not think that is funny.
Pam: He does everyone in the office.
Stanley: Hmph. [leaves]
Jim and Pam: "I do not think that is funny."
Michael: I need to know who else is gay. I don't want to offend anyone else.
Dwight: You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive.
Michael: Yeah. I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay.
Karen: Uh, so I had a couple of ideas to make the Stamford people feel more at home. Each year we have a Christmas raffle...
Angela: It would never work here.
Karen: Okay...um, another idea was karaoke...
Angela: No.
Karen: A Christmas drinking game...
Meredith: YES.
Angela: God help you!
Michael: My whole life, I have known two things: I love sex, and I want to have kids. And I always thought that those two things would go hand in hand, but now, I think it might be one or the other.
Comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself. That's what she said (laughs).
David Brent
To recoup their losses, I am planning a little charity auction, where people from all over Scranton can come and bid on our goods and services. I'm calling it crime-aid. It's like farm aid, but instead of farms fighting against AIDS, it is us fighting against our own poverty.
Michael
Jan: I'm so, so sorry for the temperature in here. The, uh, sliding glass door shattered. It's actually a really cute story. Do you wanna tell it, babe, or should I tell it?
Michael: I don't like that story, babe.
Jan: Come on! It's a cute story. Michael ran through the sliding glass door because he thought he heard the ice cream truck.
Michael: Stop! Stop it! I mean... I like ice cream, okay? Sue me! Oh no, don't! I shouldn't say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue! She loves lawsuits. You know, honey, that door was extremely clean, and it looked invisible.
Jan: You are so right. You are SO right! Because before I lived here the glass was always covered with smudges and I moved in and I cleaned it and I guess that makes me the devil!
Michael: [laughing] You are! She is! She is the devil! I'm in hell! I'm burning. Help me.
It's not real until your wife is on board.
Darryl
