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I'm sorry! I grew up on a farm! We killed a pig whenever we wanted bacon! And when my grandfather died, we reburied him in an old oil drum! It would have fit, if he had just given me another minute!

Dwight

Did I wake up this morning thinking I would be throwing together a bird funeral? You never can tell what your day here is going to turn into.

Pam

Society teaches us that, having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.

Michael

Pam: If you wanna do something for the funeral...
Dwight: Yes, please.
Pam: Maybe you could play a song on your recorder.
Dwight: Excellent.
Pam: Do you have it with you?
Dwight: Always.

I was trying to throw this party once, and everyone was over for the weekend. And then my Uncle Bernie died. So then me and my best friend had to pretend like he was alive.

Kevin

Ryan: A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and my cousin, Mufasa, was... he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeasts and we all took it really hard. All of us, kind of in the audience, of what happened.
Michael: Do you want to talk about it anymore?
Ryan: Oh, it would probably take me like an hour and a half to tell that whole story.

Pam: Let's see... I had an aunt, that I was really close to; she was this amazing female boxer. Anyway, she was injured in a fight, and she was paralyzed. So, you can imagine how sad I was... when I found out that she asked her manager to remove her breathing tube, so she could die.
Michael: Wow. If you wanna cry, that's okay.

When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

Dwight

There are five stages to grief which are... [reading from computer] Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance and right now, out there. They are all denying the fact that they're sad and that's hard and it's making them all angry. And it is my job to get them all the way through to Acceptance and if not Acceptance then Depression...If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job.

Michael

Andy: Hey. What are we doing? What's the game? I want in.
Jim: Oh, there's no game. We're just trying to get these chips for Karen.
Andy: Did you... check the vending machine?
Karen: Oh, the vending machines! How did we miss that?
Jim: I have no idea. We went right for the copier... and then we checked the fax machine...
Andy: Did you... check... your... butt!?

Dwight: Look. I gave him a six-foot extension cord so he can't chase us.
Michael: That's perfect.

Creed: It's a real shame about Ed, huh?
Michael: Yeah. It must really have you thinking.
Creed: About what?
Michael: The older you get, the bigger the chances you're gonna die. You knew that.
Creed: Ed was decapitated.
Michael: What?
Dwight: Really?
Creed: He was drunk as a skunk. He was flying down Route 6. He slides under an 18 wheeler. Pop. Snaps right off.
Michael: Oh my God.
Dwight: That is the way to go. Instant death. Very smart.
Creed: You know, a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated.
Dwight: You're thinking of a chicken.
Creed: What did I say?

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The Office Season 3 Episode 4 Quotes

I lost Ed Truck... and it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears... and at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer... and then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone... and I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I'm terribly, terribly... terribly alone.

Michael

Jan: So, I wanted to let you know that we lost Ed Truck.
Michael: Oh-kay, let me see if I have his cell. Is this the only reason you are calling Jan or does somebody miss me?
Jan: Michael, Ed died over the weekend.
Michael: Oh, wow.