The Office

The Office "Michael's Birthday" Quotes

Dwight: It is 11:23 exactly, the exact moment you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal.
 • Rating: Unrated

Toby: Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from that e-mail?
Michael: You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed King of Nigeria e-mails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?
 • Rating: Unrated

Kevin: It's negative!
Michael: God... we're gonna beat this, OK? C'mere...
[later, in interview]
Michael: Well apparently in the medicine community, negative means 'good.' Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community that would be chaos.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kelly: I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister's.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Hey Pam? All that stuff with Kevin... pretty scary. I'm thinking that, uh, next time you're in the shower, you should check yourself out, you know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking timebags.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: You know what the best medicine is?
Kevin: The doctor said a combination of Interferon and Dacarbazine.
Michael: And laughter.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: We got Kevin 69 Cup-of-Noodles.
Jim: Which we realize sounds crass, but it is his favorite number.
Pam: And his favorite lunch.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: OK, that is not an eight-foot sub.
Delivery Boy: Uh, we don't make an eight-foot sub. This is eight one-foot subs.
Dwight: F.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: If I knew I had a week to live, I would probably go to Europe. And South America. And the Grand Canyon. And I would want to see the Pacific Ocean. It would be a pretty busy week.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite quote from "Michael's Birthday?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!