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What has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? This guy!

Jim

What has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom? THIS GUY!

Todd

Usually on sexual harassment day everyone harasses me... as a joke.

Pam

Dwight: You said we could come to you if we had any questions. (Pause) Where is the clitoris? On a website it says "At the crest of the labia." What does that mean? (Pause) What does the female vagina look like?
Toby: Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.

Michael: What if Pam was a lesbian?! What if she brought her partner into work, would that be crossing the line?
Toby: No!
Michael: What if they made out, in front of everybody...
Toby: Well, that would be...
Michael: ...at home? And I told everybody everything about it?
Toby: OK, I'm lost.

Michael: And, even though we're still a family here at Dunder-Mifflin, families grow. And, at some point, the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. I am upper management, and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam, as much as I might want to.
[cut to interview]
Pam: He said WHAT?

When I said that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.

Michael

Where's Michael Snot? Sniffing some dude's thong? Probably.

Todd

Todd Packer and I are total BFFs, Best Friends Forever. We came up together in sales, one time we went to a bar and met these set of twins. And Packer said that we were brothers, one thing lead to another, and we took them to our hotel room... and Packer did BOTH of them! It was awesome!

Michael

Pam: I'd just like to say that, my Mom's coming in today.
Kevin: Mmmmilf.
Pam: Thanks Kevin.

Michael: Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here, we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include "That's what she said?"
Michael: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim: Wow. That is really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling.
Michael: That's what she said!

Ryan: [reads Packer's WLHUNG license plate] You a big William Hung fan?
Todd: Why does everybody ask me that? Who the hell is that?!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 13 in total

The Office Season 2 Episode 2 Quotes

Ryan: [reads Packer's WLHUNG license plate] You a big William Hung fan?
Todd: Why does everybody ask me that? Who the hell is that?!

Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.

Michael