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The-simpsons

Principal Skinner: Martin Prince was known by many names. Martin Priss, Martin Princess, Fartsin Prince, Martin the Brown-Nose Reindeer...
Dolph: That was mine.

(over a walkie-talkie as Homer enters a restaurant)
Host: The pig is in the sty.
Cameraman: (sighs) You know, I used to make documentaries about coal miners, migrant workers--things that mattered.
Host: (impatiently) Yeah, yeah...we're all whores, just get in there.

(Martin and Lisa are excavating for arrowheads.)
Martin: Care to make it a trio, Bart? You can brush and I can blow.
Bart: Well, I agree you blow.
Martin: Then it's a plan!
Bart: A lot of people blow, but no one blows like you.
Martin: High praise indeed!
Bart: When you look up "blow" in the dictionary--
Lisa: Bart, he's not gonna get it.
Bart: Fine.

Usually when I do something bad, I feel good. But not this time. Martin was like Jesus... only real.

Bart

I'd rather have a chubby hubby than a sexy exy!

Marge

(Marge is suspicious of Homer, who is wearing a fedora hat and a trench coat.)
Marge: Homer, where are you going?
Homer: Work.
Marge: It's 4 o'clock on a Saturday.
Homer: I, uh, have to... count the atoms at the nuclear plant. Conservation of mass! It's the law!

Lisa: Bart, Martin could be seriously hurt or worse! We have to do something!
Bart: You're right. Let's watch TV.

(about a school assignment) The Internet wrote it, I just handed it in.

Bart

Oh boy, dinner time! The perfect break between work and drunk!

Homer
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