The Simpsons

The Simpsons "Homer the Heretic" Quotes (Page 2)

Apu: Please do not offer my god a peanut.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: No offence Apu, but when they were handing out religions you must have been out taking a whiz.
Apu: Mr. Simpson, please pay for your services and get out and come again!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Oh, the song. The song. (sings) When the fire starts to burn, there's a lesson you must learn. Something something, then you'll see: You'll avoid catastrophe! D'oh!
 • Rating: Unrated

Apu: You ducks are really trying my patience! But you're so cute!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: What are these axes for?
Chief Wiggum: I dunno, chopping stuff.
Barney: Gotcha. (chops down the Simpson's mailbox)
Chief Wiggum: That's some nice choppin'.
 • Rating: Unrated

Insurance Guy: Any valuables in the house?
Homer: Well, the Picasso, my collection of classic cars--
Insurance Guy: Sorry, this policy only covers actual losses, not made-up stuff.
Homer: Well that's just great!
 • Rating: Unrated

Ned: Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
Reverend Lovejoy: No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and
neighbors when they came to your aid, be they Christian (Ned), Jew (Krusty), or ... miscellaneous (Apu).
Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
Reverend Lovejoy: Aw, that's super.
 • Rating: Unrated

God: (To Homer) Now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear on a tortilla in Mexico.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: You bet your sweet...(looks around)...ass! Heh, heh, heh!
 • Rating: Unrated

Reverend Lovejoy: Homer, you remember Matthew 21-27, "The Foolish man who built his house on sand".
Homer: And you remember Matthew...21-17?
Reverend Lovejoy: And he left them, and went out of the city into Bethany; and he lodged there?
Homer: Yeah...(regains confidence) think about it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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