The Simpsons

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The simpsons

Can I borrow that ostrich?

Chief Wiggum

Jazz folks may have the smallest apartments, but they have the biggest hearts! And the biggest heart I know lives inside my sister, Lisa.
(entire audience gasps)

Bart

Jazzy Goodtimes Waiter: What it is, hip cats? Would you like me to scat-sing the menu?
Bart: Hell, no.
Jazzy Goodtimes Waiter: Oh, god bless you, sir!

Bart: So how did Malt Liquor Mommy die?
Marge: Stop calling her that!

All I wanted was to save those animals while Bart became a drummer, but I never thought the two stories would intersect!

Lisa

Bart: I need you to teach me all about the world of juzz.
Lisa: It's jazz! Jazz! You don't even know the name of the thing you're stealing from me!

Homer: Boy, get dressed! You're going to a jazz brunch as punishment for all the racket you're making.
Bart: I thought you wanted me to drum?
Homer: Hmph. I'm sending you mixed messages. Now get the hell out of here! (slams door then opens it again) I love you so much. Damn you!

Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: We were about to play a quick set and we were wondering if you
Lisa: Yes?
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Lisa Simpson
Lisa: Yes?
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Would do us the honor
Lisa: Yes!
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Of sitting in(Lisa gasps) that chair in the audience. We wanna jam with your brother.

My arm! It hurts where the tiger's biting it!

Bart

(Bart practices his new drum set all over town and accidentally crashes into the band White Stripes.)
Jack White: Hey, kid, why don't you watch where you're drumming?!
Bart: Sorry, White Stripes. No hard feelings?
(Meg and Jack White look at each other.)
Meg White: Let's kick his ass!

(Marge is stressed about the possible doom of Lisa's animals.)
Bart: Oh, this benfit concert is gonna be Scooby Dooby!
Marge: I'm very happy for you, Bart. (Sighs)
Bart: Why are you sad? Thinkin' about your marriage?

(The dog Lisa didn't pick at the Animal Shelter comes back to haunt her in her sleep.)
Dog Spirit: Lisa Simpson, you've doomed me.
Lisa: Me? How?
Dog Spirit: By choosing the cuter puppy. You picked looks over personality, youth over experience, no history of rabies over unknown rabies status. And now I'm going to die!
Lisa: I never wanted that to happen!
Dog Spirit: You suuuck, You suuuck!
(The Dog Spirit scratches on Lisa's door to get out and Lisa opens it.)
Dog Spirit: Ah, thanks, sweetie. You suuuck!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 16 in total

The Simpsons Season 18 Episode 2 Quotes

Jazz folks may have the smallest apartments, but they have the biggest hearts! And the biggest heart I know lives inside my sister, Lisa.
(entire audience gasps)

Bart

Can I borrow that ostrich?

Chief Wiggum
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