Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Ned: Suppertime, boys!
Rod: Oh boy! Liver!
Todd: Iron helps us play!

Homer: Wow. A baby and a free burger. Could this be the best day of my life?
TV Announcer: Next up, an hour-long episode of "Mama's Family."
Homer: Yes!

Alright, I know how to handle this, just use a little reverse psychology. Let's go Marge. Leave the baby with his little crib............. AAAAAARGHHH!

Homer

Bart: I am so great! I am so great! Everybody loves me, I am so great!
Marge: Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey. Could you please be quiet?
Bart: Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quie --
Marge: Bart, get out!

Ned: If you need anything just give a whistle.
Homer: I could use a TV tray.
Ned: Well, gee...
Homer: What?
Ned: Uh, I just this minute bought it at the hardware...
Homer: You said "anything".
Ned: Heh, sure, you can borrow it for...a little while.
--
Homer: And that little while is now eight years and counting.

Bart: Hey Homer ,this house sucks!
Homer: Bart, I told you not to use that word. Call me daddy!

Homer: Dad, I have a problem.
Grampa: Why did you come to me? I don't know nothin'. I used to get by on my looks. Now they're gone... withered away like an old piece of fruit. (Sobs)
Homer: Are you done?
Grampa: No, not yet! I was voted the handsomest boy in Albany, New York!
Homer: Dad, I don't need advice! I need 15,000 dollars to buy a home!
Grampa: Oh, well. All I own is this house, that I built with my own two hands!
Homer: You didn't build this house! You won it on a crooked 50's game show!
Grampa: I ratted on everybody and got off scott free!

(holding baby Lisa) Hi-dee-ho, Simpson. Your son shoved this through our doggy door. And since we're returning your second-born, do you think you could see your way to returning my TV tr--
(Homer takes Lisa and slams the door in Flanders' face)

Flanders

According to Fretful Mother magazine, if Maggie doesn't talk by age one, we should consider a corrective tongue-extender.

Marge
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