Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Marge: We can't trick these guys. They are highly trained professionals!
(Ruth turns off the car lights.)
Chief Wiggum: Oh my god, it just disappeared! (Gasp) It's a ghost car! (Slams on brakes) There are ghost cars all over these highways you know.
Homer: Hold me!
Chief Wiggum: Only if you hold me!

Bart: Don't worry, you'll feel better once we put your hair up in curlers and give you a makeover, Homina.
Homer: (In a feminine voice) Ooh, that would be delightfu--Quiet boy!

Hello? Can I get some help? Snack-related mishap!

Homer

Oh, I'm uh.. on a road, uh.. looks to be asphelt. Um, ah geez, trees, shrubs um.... I'm directly under the earths sun... nnnow!

Wiggum

Marge: Homer, stop that, it's just a weather station!
Homer: Come on Marge, it's fun to smash things!

(Homer negotiates a baby-sitting rate with Lionel Hutz.)
Homer: We pay 8 dollars for the night and you can take 2 popsicles outta the freezer.
Lionel Hutz: Three.
Homer: Two.
Lionel Hutz: Okay, two and I get to keep this old birdcage!
Homer: Done!

We're phasing out the games. People drink less when they're having fun.

Moe

Marge: I'm disappointed in you. But it turns out I had a wonderful time with Ruth Powers. In fact, we're going out again tomorrow night.
Homer: Marge, that's twice, I think you're spending entirely too much time with this woman!

Homer: Where are you going?
Marge: I don't know.
Homer: When will you be home?
Marge: I'm not sure.
Homer: Where are you going?
Marge: You already asked me that!
Homer: Will you bring me back something?

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