Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Stop the presses and send my wife some flowers and bring me an anvil! What do you mean you don't work for me, you're hired! Now that you're hired you're fired! Now that you don't work here we can be friends. Now that we're friends how come you never call, some friend you are! I love this business!

Jameson

Lisa: You're a heartless jerk!
Moe: Where did that come from? Oh, right, my actions.

Homer: I love these covered bridges. It's like driving through cute little houses.
Guy on Hood: That was my house, you moron!

I don't need your sycophantic laughter. I have some on tape.

Gore Vidal

That's a terrific title. It jumps out at you like a rat out of your underwear drawer.

Jameson: That's sweet, I hate sweet. I need photos, photos of Spider-man.
Employee: This is a poetry journal.
Jameson: Okay then I want poems about Spider-Man, and I want them finished before you start, and before you start I want a coffee. And the poems should have the fallowing rhyme scheme, a, b, b, a, a, b, b, a, c, e, d, e, d, d. What are you waiting for, Chinese New Year?

Homer: This vibrating massage chair feels great.
Moe: That ain't a massage chair, it's just full of cockroaches.

Marge (reading Moe's note): "Dear pus bag . . ."
Homer: Whoa, Marge, who'd you piss off?
Moe: It's for you, pus bag!

Grampa: (With his gold medal.) I've never been happier!
("The Star-Spangled Banner" plays)
Grampa: Turn that hippie crap off!

Displaying quotes 10 - 18 of 20 in total