Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Marge: In a good marriage you never say, "I told you so."
Homer: Which is good for me because you're always right.

He's cheating on Selma? Why go out for hamburger when you have rancid steak at home?

Homer

Tushy: every light in the house is a tanning light.
Marge: can you read by it?
Tushy: no one's ever tried.

The only husband of Selma's I ever liked was Disco Stu. He was so upbeat until he found out she didn't like disco music.

Marge

Marge: He's mad about a sport result.
Homer: Lousy St. Louis Cardinals can't win the 1985 World Series on classic sports.

Comic Book Guy: How do you know the bride?
Marge: I'm her sister, you?
Comic Book Guy: I bought her ping pong table off cragislist. Color yourself slighted.

Fat Tony: Call that doctor that owes us a favor.
Louise: Actually we owe him a favor
Fat Tony: Do him two favors and then remind him that he owes us a favor.

Only you can make tree poop boring.

Bart

We had a safe full of gold and it didn't ride that low.

Louie
Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 11 in total