The Simpsons

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The simpsons
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Marge: In a good marriage you never say, "I told you so."
Homer: Which is good for me because you're always right.

He's cheating on Selma? Why go out for hamburger when you have rancid steak at home?

Homer

Tushy: every light in the house is a tanning light.
Marge: can you read by it?
Tushy: no one's ever tried.

The only husband of Selma's I ever liked was Disco Stu. He was so upbeat until he found out she didn't like disco music.

Marge

Marge: He's mad about a sport result.
Homer: Lousy St. Louis Cardinals can't win the 1985 World Series on classic sports.

Comic Book Guy: How do you know the bride?
Marge: I'm her sister, you?
Comic Book Guy: I bought her ping pong table off cragislist. Color yourself slighted.

Fat Tony: Call that doctor that owes us a favor.
Louise: Actually we owe him a favor
Fat Tony: Do him two favors and then remind him that he owes us a favor.

Only you can make tree poop boring.

Bart

We had a safe full of gold and it didn't ride that low.

Louie

Aunt Selma is treating a mob boss like an ordinary tax payer!

Lisa

Aww, I was standing in this line to use the bathroom, but now my license is expired.

Homer
Displaying all 11 quotes

The Simpsons Season 22 Episode 19 Quotes

Aunt Selma is treating a mob boss like an ordinary tax payer!

Lisa

Aww, I was standing in this line to use the bathroom, but now my license is expired.

Homer