(Homer prepares to take out a loan from Mr. Burns.)
Mr. Burns: Just sign this form and the money will be yours. (Laughs evilly) Sorry, I was just um...erm...thinking of something funny Smithers did today.
Smithers: I didn't do anything funny today.
Mr. Burns: Shut up!

• Permalink: Just sign this form and the money will be yours. Sorry, I was j...
• Added: February 18, 2010

First you didn't want me to get the pony, now you want me to take it back, make up your mind!

Homer

• Permalink: First you didn't want me to get the pony, now you want me to tak...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Lisa: (on the phone) Dad, I broke my last saxophone reed, and I need you to get me a new one.
Homer: Uh, isn't this the kind of thing your mother's better at?
Lisa: I called her, she's not home. I also tried Mr. Flanders, Aunt Patty, Aunt Selma, Dr. Hibbert, Reverend Lovejoy, and that nice man who caught the snake in our basement.
Homer: Wow, and after them, out of all the people in the world, you chose me.

• Permalink: Dad, I broke my last saxophone reed, and I need you to get me a ...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Hey, this is fun, isn't it! We're gonna die, aren't we!

Otto

• Permalink: Hey, this is fun, isn't it! We're gonna die, aren't we!
• Added: February 18, 2010

People of Earth! We come to you in the spirit of hostility and menace!

Kang and Kodos

• Permalink: People of Earth! We come to you in the spirit of hostility and m...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Well, class the history of our country has been changed again, to correspond with Bart's answers on yesterday's test. America was now discovered in 1942 by... ''some guy.'' And our country isn't called America any more. It's Bonerland.

Mrs. Krabappel

• Permalink: Well, class the history of our country has been changed again, t...
• Added: February 18, 2010

(answers phone) Moe's Tavern... Hold on, I'll check. (aloud) Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and... I like to kiss my own butt.

Moe

• Permalink: Moe's Tavern... Hold on, I'll check. Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a ...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Damn it, Smithers! This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery!

Mr. Burns

• Permalink: Damn it, Smithers! This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Mr. Burns: Little do they realize their days of suckling at my teat are numbered.
Smithers: Oh, in the meantime, sir, may I suggest a random firing? Just to throw the fear of God into them?

• Permalink: Little do they realize their days of suckling at my teat are num...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Behold, the greatest breakthrough in labor relations since the cat-o-nine-tails!

Mr. Burns

• Permalink: Behold, the greatest breakthrough in labor relations since the c...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Mr. Burns: Oh, Smithers, I was wrong to play God. Life is precious, not a thing to be toyed with. Now take out that brain and flush it down the toilet!
Smithers: Sir, his family might appreciate it if you returned the brain to his body.
Mr. Burns: Oh, come on, it's 11:45!

• Permalink: Oh, Smithers, I was wrong to play God. Life is precious, not a t...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Every bone shattered . . . organs leaking vital fluids . . . slight headache . . . loss of appetite . . . Smithers, I'm going to die.

Mr. Burns

• Permalink: Every bone shattered . . . organs leaking vital fluids . . . sli...
• Added: February 18, 2010