Bart: Unckie Herb, what advice would you give to a young boy who would most likely become a bum like yourself?
Herb: Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese.

Marge: How was your day at work, dear?
Homer: Oh, the usual...stand in front of this, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough...

Homer: All right, Herb. I'll give you the money, but first you have to forgive me and treat me like a brother.
Herb: Nope.
Homer: All right, then just give me the drinking bird.

Homer: I miss my couch.
Joe Frazier: I know how you feel, you lost the couch, I lost the heavyweight championship.
Homer: PfftHeavyweight Championship, there's like, three of those!

Doctor: This can't be right; this man has 104% body fat! Hey, no eating in the tank!
Homer: Go to hell!

Lisa: This award is the biggest crock I ever saw.
Bart: What about the Emmys?
Lisa: I stand corrected.

Homer: Herb, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew 2,000 bucks on it when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks.
Herb: Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?!
Homer: I tried, but I can't.

Herb: Maggie...who brought me my fortune. I'll give you anything you want in the world
Maggie: -(machine)- I want what the dog's eating
Herb: I'll get you something nice.

Alright, a peanut!

</i> Barney

Homer: Give me full power.
Salesman: But, sir?
Homer: Damn it! I said full power!

I used to be rich. I owned Mickey Mouse massage parlors and those Disney sleaze balls shut me down. I said "Look, I'll change the logo, put Mickey's pants back on." Some guys you just can't reason with.

Hobo

Herb: Lady, you just gave me the idea of a lifetime! How do I thank you?
Woman: Please don't hurt me.
Herb: Consider it done.

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

(After Homer rejects other names for boys based on rhyming nicknames)
Marge: What about Bart?
Homer: Let's see. Bart, dart, cart, e-art. Nope can't see any problems with that.
(Missing fart due to only 4 fingers)

Homer: Marge, where's that... metal... dealy... you use to... dig... food?
Marge: You mean a spoon?
Homer: Yeah yeah yeah!