The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

Episode 24: "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Bart: Unckie Herb, what advice would you give to a young boy who would most likely become a bum like yourself?
Herb: Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: How was your day at work, dear?
Homer: Oh, the usual...stand in front of this, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough...
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: All right, Herb. I'll give you the money, but first you have to forgive me and treat me like a brother.
Herb: Nope.
Homer: All right, then just give me the drinking bird.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: I miss my couch.
Joe Frazier: I know how you feel, you lost the couch, I lost the heavyweight championship.
Homer: PfftHeavyweight Championship, there's like, three of those!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: This award is the biggest crock I ever saw.
Bart: What about the Emmys?
Lisa: I stand corrected.
 • Rating: Unrated

Doctor: This can't be right; this man has 104% body fat! Hey, no eating in the tank!
Homer: Go to hell!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

TV Announcer: Except for huge gaps in the western states, "Hands Across America" was a complete success.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Herb: (On his back, holding Maggie up) The pitch is insufficient for "burp me", and this jigsaw motion is something I've never(Maggie throws up on him) Eureka.
 • Rating: Unrated

Maggie: Blablueeeh. (with the machine Herb invented) I have soiled myselfhow embarrassing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Professor Frink: This radio controlled plane gives your baby the chance to fly, just like my son here, he can execute the barrel roll, loopy loop, and bring it in for the perfect landing *smash*. Oh dear... my wife is going to kill me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Herb: Maggie...who brought me my fortune. I'll give you anything you want in the world
Maggie: -(machine)- I want what the dog's eating
Herb: I'll get you something nice.
 • Rating: Unrated

Hobo: I used to be rich. I owned Mickey Mouse massage parlors and those Disney sleaze balls shut me down. I said "Look, I'll change the logo, put Mickey's pants back on." Some guys you just can't reason with.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Homer: Why did this have to happen now during prime time, when TV's brightest stars come out to shine?
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service... but those were all dead ends. I think this chair is the answer.
 • Rating: Unrated

Herb: Lady, you just gave me the idea of a lifetime! How do I thank you?
Woman: Please don't hurt me.
Herb: Consider it done.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Give me full power.
Salesman: But, sir?
Homer: Damn it! I said full power!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Herb, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew 2,000 bucks on it when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks.
Herb: Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?!
Homer: I tried, but I can't.
 • Rating: Unrated

(After being thrown upside down into a trash can.)
Barney: Alright, a peanut!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Why didn't you write Unckie Herb?
Herb: Hey, if I wrote to you what was I suppose to say? "Dear Lisa, last night I used a rat for a pillow thanks to your pop?"
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Episode 23: "Bart's Friend Falls in Love"

Homer: Marge, where's that... metal... dealy... you use to... dig... food?
Marge: You mean a spoon?
Homer: Yeah yeah yeah!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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