Mason: Conner, you gotta let me pilot the plane.
Conner: I was trying to co-pilot the plane to keep it from crashing

Conner: Don't say it. Don't say that word.
Mason: I know. I know. Cool people don't say "cool." I just hate the fact that some client who is definitely not cool thinks I'm not cool.

I'm just saying, if you're concerned about the gay rumor, might want to cut down on your dates with lesbians

Tom [to Sarah]

Sarah: Hey, I heard you got Spike Jonze.
Mason: Heard you're a lesbian.

Conner: I'm trying to remember, in this particular relationship, if I was a dick or not.
Mason: I hate those odds. Call her anyway.
Conner: If I was a dick then I have to apologize. If wasn't a dick and I apologize, it will just confuse her. Classic dilemma. Clip the blue wire, clip the red wire.

Tom: We can't do this. Choosing which one of us will take you tonight has really been hard on our friendship.
Hector: It's like Sophie's choice, only the kids have to decide

Mason: Remember that ridiculously hot concierge in the lobby?
Conner: The one with no visible knee caps?
Mason: I have no idea what that means

Hector: So, you want to stop and get a drink before the party?
Sarah: I already did

Maybe I am gay

Sarah [after kissing Hector]

Conner: That wasn't about race.
Mason: What wasn't about race?
Conner: That was about cake. I love chocolate cake.
Mason: Everybody loves chocolate cake.
Conner: I also love vanilla cake. I love chocolate cake and vanilla - I don't want there being some kind of cake confusion being the last thing he remembers. You know, on the day he gets fired.

Sarah: It's not a date. It's just two adults enjoying the night out together.
Conner: Isn't that the very definition of a date?

Conner: We walk outta here like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
Mason: They died in the end.
Conner: Everybody dies in the end. They became legends. Let's go save our jobs and be legendary.

Trust Me Quotes

Conner: You need to get this boat.
Mason: I can't afford it.
Conner: Be a good American and finance it.

You've been carrying me? I've been carrying you so long I have scoliosis

Mason [to Conner]