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Venture-brothers-poster

Hunters Gathers: Her tits were like "coming home from school and finding out your old man ran over your cat" sad.
Brock Samson: Mournful tits. She has mournful tits. They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra.

Venture and I have been engaged in a deadly game of cat and also-cat for years!

The Monarch

Henchman 21: Do we have souls?
Henchman 24: Yes, but they're not quite souls, but in Earth's general idea, everything has a soul.
Henchman 21: Crap, so I guess we should become vegetarian.
Henchman 24: No, like everything living has a soul, even spinach. You can't win.
Henchman 21: So that's a problem.
Henchman 24: Here's something. You know how people cry about aborting babies because of their soul? Turns out you don't get a soul until you're like one.
Henchman 21: So, weird, one. Really?
Henchman 24: Or maybe six months. I forget. Either way, you're just this little crying, pooing monster blob until you get your soul.

Cavity search my ass. You know what I mean.

Hunters Gathers

Dean! Have you been shooting dope into your scrotum?!? You can tell me - I'm hip!

Dr. Venture

Brock: What color is my tongue?
Hank: Wednesday. Maybe a light Wednesday.

What happened? Did I just kill Premature Ejaculation?

Dr. Venture

Sgt. Hatred: Get up! Emergency! Our home has been violated!
Dr. Venture: What time is it?
Sgt. Hatred: Go time! I was downstairs, sitting in front of the computer masturbating, and then zip! This is sticking out of my neck, my clothes are gone, and the boys are missing.
Dr. Venture: Oh, my God!
Sgt. Hatred: Don't you worry! We'll get 'em back!
Dr. Venture: No, I mean, oh, my God, you just told me you were masturbating in front of the computer. That's foul.
Sgt. Hatred: Oh, what... and you don't?
Dr. Venture: Well, yeah, but I'm not proud of it.
Sgt. Hatred: Look, you can talk about your needless shame later. We have to rescue the sons.

Sgt. Hatred: Hank, you know about the birds and the bees, right?
Hank: For like two years now!
Sgt. Hatred: Well, you know how some bees like other bees and some birds like other birds?
Hank: Like Uncle Gentleman?
Sgt. Hatred: Right. Now there are some birds that like eggs, and eggs are fragile and can't defend themselves. So some egg lovers take experimental drugs to not like eggs. Because I don't want to like eggs.
Hank: I already know that you used to be a pedestrian.
Sgt. Hatred: Yeah, I also like bees! I've had my share of honey.

Brock: Back to the high-n-tight huh?
Hank: Yeah, I feel like the Jewish guy who lost all his powers when they cut all his hair off.
Brock: Samson?
Hank: Lenny Kravitz.

Henchman 24: Come on! They have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs.
Henchman 21: Oh my God, you're crazy! They're so obviously mammals!
Henchman 24: Please! She'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs.
Henchman 21: Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa Smurf has a fucking beard! They're mammals

Baron Underbheit: You have to give me this one. I've loathed Venture ever since college.
The Monarch: Oh, who hasn't, Ãœnderpants? What makes your case so special?
[Baron points to his jaw]
The Monarch: Wow, you mean he did that? How?
Baron Underbheit: Where I come from, a lab partnership is a sacred trust. One is always suppose to look out for one's lab partner. Venture did not.
The Monarch: Fine, fine. But you have to understand you can't waltz into the middle of a delicate, high-stakes chess tournament and yell, "King me!" 'cause he bitched up your face

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 278 in total

Venture Bros. Quotes

Hank: You are not the boss of me
Sgt Hatred: Au contraire, I am tony danza to your spunky Alyssa Milano. I am full on Charles In Charge of you

Hank: Is it just me or does every Nazi want to clone Hitler? It's like the only they think about
Srgt. Hatred: It seems that way, right. I guess when everyone hates you, you just fixate on making rotten Hitlers

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