Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FX
Wilfred

Now that I've met Raffie, how can I go back to bear? I mean bear did put me through obedience school, but does that mean I have to be unhappy for the rest of my life?

Wilfred

I got it. It wasn't a homo chip. It was a glowing orb of gayness brought here by aliens that you summoned...

Wilfred

After I went to sleep, you somehow managed to get some sort of homo chip planted in my brain.

Wilfred

Ryan: I killed him.
Wilfred: Oh, that's a relief.

Sneakers is no one huh? Do you usually buy priceless jewelry for no one? Imitation, colored glass. Plastic painted to look like metal. This isn't some cheap made in China knock-off. This is made in Taiwan. You bastard! Keeping another dog on the side are ya?

Wilfred

Great, the entrails fell out. Now it's worthless.

Wilfred

I once cracked a Nazi skin head in the face with a beer bong, and you know what he did to me? Belly rub.

Wilfred

Ryan, anger is like herpes. You're not meant to keep it to yourself.

Wilfred

Ryan, remember when I told you a few weeks ago that you are a total pussy? Well I just wanted to apologize for not emphasizing that enough.

Wilfred
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