Wilfred

Wilfred Season 1 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 1 Episode 11: "Doubt"

Ryan: I really think I'm gonna be alright.
Wilfred: Of course you are...I ain't going anywhere.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Bruce: You convinced me to make out with my own father.
Wilfred: Everybody at the party loved it. They thought it was edgy.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Bruce: Wilfred ruined my life, and you know what? You're next.
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Wilfred: Favorite music, all types. This chick must be like an expert in music.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Wilfred: Please tell me that donkey faced thing with the braces is not the chick you're going out with.
Ryan: She doesn't have braces.
Wilfred: Yeah you just can't see 'em, because they're probably on her legs. How do you think she supports that massive donkey face?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kristen: He says I won't be able to adjust to a new culture. Excuse me, but I was the one who was willing to live in the Valley.
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: What did you do with my hair? I distinctly remember leaving it right here, all over the place.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 10: "Isolation"

Wilfred: Ryan, what am I gonna do if you go to jail? You're the most important member of my pack. A pack protects its own.
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: You know what you should do? March on over to Mrs. Stevenson's house, and tell her the truth. Your neighbor's dog masterminded multiple break-ins and planted evidence on her child.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Patel: My friend, I feel great shame for accusing you unjustly. I will not sleep well tonight, but tomorrow during the day I'll take a long nap.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Wilfred: So long Andy. Let's see your black magic stop you from getting gang-stomped in Juvy.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ryan: You know my name?
Trash Face: I know your social security number. You really need a shredder.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gene: Who's a good boy?
Wilfred: I'm a good boy, obviously. You, on the other hand, hot dogs and potato salad? How many Weight Watchers points is that?
 • Rating: Unrated

Maggie: You can put your bake goods...up your anus.
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: Don't you see Ryan? If you don't go then they'll be even more suspicious. Next time it won't be eggs on your window, it will be Mrs. Patel's feces. And that's not me talking, that's still Mrs. Patel.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ryan: Why would people assume that I'm the thief?
Wilfred: Really? You're still not getting this? You're the twitchy loner, the pasty neighborhood creep. And that's not me talking, that's Mrs. Patel.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Wilfred: What's so wrong with a little beer and some small talk with the ass holes down the street?
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: But Jenna's put a lot of work into this. She even took me to the groomer. Thanks for noticing by the way.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 9: "Compassion"

Ryan: Eat s**t! Eat s**t!
Wilfred: Again, your tone says insult, but what I'm hearing is a tempting offer.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ryan: You son of a bitch!
Wilfred: How is that an insult? I've never understood that.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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