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I wish I was a book. She could pick me up, flip through my pages. Make sure nobody drew wieners in me.

Troy

I wanna go to rehab and compare penises with famous people.

Troy

I live with that dude. He's got night terrors and a rotary phone.

Troy

Abed: For Greendale College Television, I'm Abed Nadir.
Troy: And I'm Troy "Butt Soup" Barnes. What? That's my name.

Troy: According to our polls, the campus is almost evenly divided. Now keep in mind, the margin of error on this thing is about 98%.
Abed: Could be higher. We don't even know how to do margins of error. We talked to two people at a vending machine.

I'm auditioning for Professor Garrity's all-black production of "Fiddler on the Roof." It's called "Fiddlah, Please!"

Troy

My uncle never put his finger in my plop-plop. I know, I'm bummed about it too.

Troy

My uncle put his finger in my no-no!

Troy

Annie: I lost Abed!
Troy: I told you to never let him out of your sight! That goes double for holidays and wax museums!

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