Britta: When's the graduation ceremony?
Jeff: Never. It's community college. You send in some papers and they stop charging you.

Well, it's official--it's on a banner.


Annie, why are you acting like a mistress in a Lifetime movie?


I've spent almost four years here, growing and changing and making dioramas.


Abed, we don't have origin stories, we have lives. At least...yup, just me.


Dean Pelton: Which is to say that having Jeffrey inside of me-
Jeff: No one was inside of anyone!
Dean Pelton: -was wrong. To have Jeffrey inside of me.

Shirley: Is this a bad time?
Dean Pelton (speaking as Jeff): I'm at Greendale, stuck in the body of a man who could be Gollum, so yeah, I'd say it's half past suck.

Maintenance Guy: Sorry, routine light switch check.
Jeff: That is not a thing!

Pierce: What do you want me to do?
Jeff: Stay alive...or don't!
Pierce: I'm on it!

Holy makes-complete-sense-at-this-school!


Britta: So you just left your section blank.
Jeff: No, of course not! I copied and pasted the lyrics to "War (What Is It Good For)."

Jeff: It's Macallan 18. I like to serve it neat, if that's okay with you.
Professor Cornwallis: What, in America? Don't you mix it with cherry pop or Monterey Jack cheese?

Community Quotes

Annie: The midterm dance will need a visual theme. Like, 'Let's blow off steam,' and it's trains!
Chang: I have an idea!
Annie: Chang, your last idea was to murder.

I need Purell for my brain.