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After robbers break into the house, the Griffin family hides in the panic room. While stuck in there, Peter tells the family their history.
Peter tries to one-up Joe's home theater system by installing a multiplex in his backyard. When doing so, he disrupts an Indian burial ground and his house is haunted.
Brian's gay cousin Jasper announces he's going to marry his partner at the Griffin's. Mayor West bands gay marriages to cover up another scandal of his.
After reading an erotic novel, Peter writes one himself using Carter's money. When Carter gets sued and loses all his money, he's forced to live as a middle-class citizen. Meanwhile, Stewie trains for the Olympics.
Meg becomes an intern for Mayor West; Peter and Lois go back to their old folk singing days at a local talent show.
When Peter gets a vasectomy, he loses his sex drive, causing Lois to get depressed and gain weight. Meanwhile, Stewie's half-brother Bertram returns to confront him and they have a battle for control of the playground.
Peter wins a maid for a week on a game show and Quagmire falls in love with her. Meanwhile, Lois stops breastfeeding Stewie, leading to withdrawals.
At a high school reunion, Peter tries to impress his fellow classmates. On his way to the bathroom he charges through a crowd and catches the eye of Tom Brady.
After Brian's near-death experience he starts a new life where he ends up with a nightly singing gig with Frank Sinatra Jr. Meanwhile, Meg pretends to be a lesbian to fit in with a new after-school group.
When Peter's dad visits the family, he attempts to push his religious beliefs on the family. After a mixup with holy water puts Stewie in a bubble, Peter starts his own religion devoted to The Fonz.
When Lois discovers she has a brother, Patrick, living at a mental institution, she gets him out and moves him in with the family.
Lois thinks Stewie is trying to kill her due to lack of time with his father, so she makes Peter spend more time with Stewie. Meanwhile, Chris befriends Herbert.
After writing a story for a local magazine, Brian gets a job writing for the New Yorker. When he admits he never graduated from college, he's fired, and goes back to school.
After a wardrobe malfunction causes the FCC to censor all live broadcasts, Peter creates his own station, "PTV," broadcasting out of his own home.censored.
Trying to avoid being hazed at school, Chris runs off to South America. Peter gets frustrated with his new job on the brewery.
Peter and the guys go fishing and they end up stranded on an island. Rescued by a cruise months later, Peter returns home to find Lois with a new husband.
When Brian starts dating Meg's high school teacher, Peter and Brian's friendship gets tested; Brian tries to get the school renamed from James Woods to Martin Luther King Jr.
Lois fulfills her lifelong dream of being a model. Stewie starts a multi-level marketing company and Brian, desperate for cash for his de-worming medicine, joins as his salesman.
Lois' kleptomania puts her in jail, leaving the Griffin household in chaos. To restore their lives, Peter attempts to break Lois out, only to end up living in hiding in "Asian Town."
Peter runs up a tab at Mort's and to cover his tab, he sells Meg to the Goldmans. Meanwhile, Stewie falls in love with Liddane, his new babysitter.
The Bachelorette comes to Quahog and Brian is chosen as a contestant. Though he initially participates just for a free vacation, Brian ends up falling in love.
After winning a game of Trivial Pursuit, Peter is convinced he's a genius. To prove him wrong, Brian makes him take a test, which actually proves he's mentally handicap.
Peter discovers Loretta is cheating on Cleveland with Quagmire and Loretta ends up walking out on Cleveland.
When Meg gets turned down on a date, she heads with Lois to the mall for an extreme makeover. Meanwhile, Peter tries to start a band with the guys and when that fails, ends up performing with his family.
After Mort bowls a perfect game and Quagmire gets the key to city for performing CPR, Peter becomes jealous. He tries to get famous by swallowing the most nickels.
Brian becomes a substitute teacher at Chris' school and is moved to a classroom of troubled kids. Meanwhile, Chris falls for his new teacher, Mrs. Lockhart.
Peter and Lois go on a second honeymoon. When Peter crashes their car, he poses as Mel Gibson and stays in his hotel suite.