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Watch Family Guy Season 5 full episodes online, free and paid options via our partners and affiliates.

Meet the Quagmires Picture
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 18
"Meet The Quagmires"
Original Air Date:

Death grants Peter's wish to go back to 1984, when he was 18, for one night. Peter stands up Lois on a date and ends up going out with an actress.

Lois the Mayor
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 17
"It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One"
Original Air Date:

Lois runs for mayor of Quahog and dumbs down her political views to win. Once inside office, Peter enjoys the perks that come with being the "first lady" of Quahog.

The Chicken Returns
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 16
"No Chris Left Behind"
Original Air Date:

After Chris is expelled from school, he's sent to the same boarding school Carter attended. Meanwhile, the Chicken returns to Quahog to fight Peter.

Stewie is Little Miss Texas
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 15
"Boys Do Cry"
Original Air Date:

Lois gets a job as the Church organist and the family starts going to Church again. After getting sick at communion, the Church assumes Stewie is the devil and they chase him to Texas.

Peter's Restaurant
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 14
"No Meals On Wheels"
Original Air Date:

The Griffins open their own restaurant, but when it fails to attract customers, Joe offers to bring his friends by.

Bill Clinton on Family Guy
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 13
"Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey"
Original Air Date:

Peter helps Bill Clinton fix his flat tire and soon the two become best friends. Meanwhile, Lois and Stewie try to potty-train Brian.

Hugh Hefner on Family Guy
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 12
"Airport '07"
Original Air Date:

When Peter has to drive Quagmire to work, he gets the poor guy fired. Quagmire gets some advice from his mentor, Hugh Hefner.

Tan Stewie
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 11
"The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou"
Original Air Date:

When a bully picks on Chris, he goes to Peter for help, who ends up beating the kid senseless. Meanwhile, when Stewie goes out without sunscreen and accidentally gets a tan, he becomes obsessed with tanning.

Peter and His Irish Father
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 10
"Peter's Two Dads"
Original Air Date:

After Peter's father, Francis dies, Thelma tells Peter that his real father is in Ireland. Meanwhile, Lois spanks Stewie when he misbehaves.

Road to Rupert Picture
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 9
"Road to Rupert"
Original Air Date:

Brian sells Rupert at a garage sale and has to take an upset Stewie cross-country to Colorado to find the stuffed animal. Meanwhile, Peter loses his license and forces Meg to drive him around.

Barely Legal Picture
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 8
"Barely Legal"
Original Air Date:

Meg can't find a date to junior prom, so Brian takes her. Meanwhile, Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire join the police and end up helping Brian.

Double Date
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 7
"Chick Cancer"
Original Air Date:

Stewie marries his old flame, Olivia, and their marriage quickly turns dull. Meanwhile, Lois makes Peter watch chick flicks, so he decides to make his own.

Lois Teaches Sex Ed
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 6
"Prick Up Your Ears"
Original Air Date:

Lois discovers that the school has been teaching Chris incorrect things about sex, so she volunteers to teach the sex-ed class. Meanwhile, Stewie becomes terrified of the tooth fairy and sets traps to catch her.

Stewie Meets Jillian
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 5
"Whistle While Your Wife Works"
Original Air Date:

After blowing off his fingers with some fireworks, Peter can't get all his work done. Lois comes to the brewery to help him out. Meanwhile, Stewie discovers that Brian is dating Jillian, an attractive, but dumb woman.

Brian and Stewie in the Army
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4
"Saving Private Brian"
Original Air Date:

When Chris is approached to join the military, Brian goes to the recruitment office to argue them. While there, Stewie signs the two up for service. Meanwhile, Chris joins a goth band.

Peter's Tank
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 3
"Hell Comes to Quahog"
Original Air Date:

When Peter uses Meg's money to buy a tank, she has to get a job at the new Superstore. Soon the new Superstore puts all the other stores out of business and begins sucking the town's power.

Mother Tucker Picture
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2
"Mother Tucker"
Original Air Date:

When Peter's mom gets a divorce, Peter feels abandoned until he sees her new boyfriend, Tom Tucker, as a father figure. Meanwhile, Brian gets his own radio show that Stewie soon crashes.

Stewie Loves Lois Picture
Watch Family Guy Season 5 Episode 1
"Stewie Loves Lois"
Original Air Date:

Stewie becomes obsessed with Lois after she saves Rupert's life; Peter thinks his doctor molests him during a routine prostate exam.

Family Guy Season 5 Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Brian: Stewie?
Stewie: Yeah?
Brian: It's not your fault.
Stewie: What?
Brian: It's not your fault.
Stewie: I know.
Brian: It's not your fault.
Stewie: (annoyed) I know.
Brian: No Stewie, Stewie. It's not your fault.
Stewie: Don't do this to me man, not you man.
Brian: It's not your fault.
Stewie: Screw you, cut it out man!
Brian: It's not your fault.
Stewie: (cries) Why is it so hard? I didn't know it was going to be so hard. (cries)

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