The Tuesday Morning Gossip Girl Reality Index

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Every Tuesday, the previous night's Gossip Girl is broken down by New York Magazine and assigned scores according to its patented "reality index."

Below are highlights (some realistic, some not so much), from the publication's comprehensive, albeit totally arbitrary analysis of "Pret-a-Poor-J" ...

  • Gossip Girl: "Every girl dreams about finding her Prince Charming. But if that prince refuses to come?" Plus 5 for the Chuck impotence double entendre.
  • Jenny's hair and terrible under-eyeliner should have been a bigger plot point. Minus 3, because at least Dan and Rufus would have made fun of her.
  • How come every coat Serena wears makes a bulging rhombus out of her spectacular cleavage? Plus 5.
  • Dan spots Serena coming out of class and says, "How is AP Economics treating you?" Minus 10. Because as if.
    Aaron Rose

  • Max knows Aaron Rose (John Patrick Amedori, above) from RISD? Oy. Plus 2. That's like a rapist knowing a con artist from Rikers.
  • Aaron has a motorcycle? Sister, please. A scooter, maybe. Minus 3.
  • Jenny was so pragmatic about her job situation at the art gallery when she was talking to Nate about it. Plus 3, because it lasted about two seconds.
  • "The nape of the neck is Chuck's Kryptonite," says B. Honestly. We've allowed ourselves to suspend some disbelief about Chuck and Blair's supposedly mind-blowing sex life, but this is too much. Teenage boys are interested in two things, and neither of them is the "nape of the neck." Minus 2.
  • Weirdly, what happened with Blair and Chuck rang true. They panicked, got scared, and came too close to having their bravados burst. Plus, they are both such drama queens that they'd choose to stay in misery rather than banal courtship. Plus 5. Also, it's so teenage for them to say they'll "wait" for one another. Plus 2

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


Gossip Girl Quotes

And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell ... You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl

[to Jenny] That's the thing. You need to be cool to be queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you. For what it's worth, you're my Queen. I choose you.