Gossip Girl Round Table: "Goodbye, Columbia"

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Welcome back to another edition of TVF's Gossip Girl Round Table, where our panelists break down Monday's episode (see our review of "Goodbye, Columbia" earlier).

Below, Gossip Guy and Mister Meester and critic-in-chief DANdy take on topics ranging from classic quotes to love, war and plot lines with plausible deniability ...


1. What was your favorite Gossip Girl quote from last night?

Gossip Guy: The very beautiful Juliet's "She made a flow chart actually, which I have to say is very helpful." I love it when this show goes meta and makes fun of real life web postings by veiling them under Gossip Girl.

Mister Meester: Tie between Blair's "If only there were a device of some kind to keep the time" and Chuck's explanation of a rotunda is. So dry and passive-aggressively hilarious, since he knew that wasn't why she exclaimed "the what?!" Vintage Chuck.

DANdy: Courtesy of Serena: "Even Gossip Girl wants to keep things classy and somewhat true." Just like our friends at The Hollywood Gossip!

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2. This was the best episode of the season so far, right?

Gossip Guy: Right.

Mister Meester: Easily, and it elevated some of the previous weeks in the process. The Juliet story is finally getting good, and last night actually delivered some of the humorous zingers and OMFG twists that made the show can't-miss TV in the first place.

DANdy: Yes. It featured eye candy for the gals (hello, Sam Page!), eye candy for the guys (Katie Cassidy in lingerie!!!!!) and more underhanded activity than a slow-pitch softball game.

3. Which do you prefer, Chuck and Blair in love, or at war?

Gossip Guy: Definitely at war. Not surprisingly with these two, there's just so much more passion when they're at war. I know I'm ready to watch an old fashioned hate f**k.

Mister Meester: Like Better Homes & Gardens and the NRA, the line between the two is thin. I can't say enough how much I enjoyed the episode, though, so ... war. For now.

DANdy: You just don't understand, Round Table Question Guy. Chuck and Blair really are in love. They just show it in different, sometimes combative ways. Who are you to judge?!? Chair forever!

Dan Speaks

DAN'S THE MAN: Derena? Boring. Give us Date bromance any day!

4. Better bromance: Nate and Dan or Nate and Chuck?

Gossip Guy: Date has been going so strong I even forgot Nate and Chuck were introduced as besties during season one. Men can't get much closer than getting swabbed together.

Mister Meester: Dan's working his way up, but only Charles calls him Nathaniel.

DANdy: The former, no doubt. Nate and Chuck only share sexual partners. But Nate and Dan share hugs. Well, near hugs.

5. Harder to believe: That no one mentioned condoms at any point, the logistics of Chuck's undermining, or that people believed Juliet instead of Vanessa?

Gossip Guy: Haha, that's funny. The idea that someone would believe Vanessa. But, yeah, definitely the whole STD testing thing in general blew my mind. No mention of condoms. Or the fact that Nate spent an entire summer sleeping with random (presumably) prostitutes, and his concern was the fact he used to sleep with Serena? The way this whole crew sleeps around, there'd be a giant cesspool of STDs and illegitimate babies running amok. Yeah, I'm just jealous I'm not taking a swim. Particularly in the Serena end of the pool.

Mister Meester: The idea that condoms and STDs only came up now is pretty laughable, but to quote Blair, if you're looking for Gossip Girl plot holes, do you want a list? As long as the drama and suspense are this palpable and the schemes as diabolically complex as they were last night, I'm willing to suspend believability a bit.

DANdy: The condoms. Come on. They don't call her Serena MAN der Woodson for nothing! It's been clear since the pilot that Serena isn't, shall I say, shy around the opposite sex. Hard to believe Dan, Nate and company wouldn't protect themselves with her.

6. How do you feel about Jenny's return?

Gossip Guy: I'm going to allow the raccoon to come back, but only because she's arriving as Chuck's pawn in Chair's game. Besides, at least it looks like they swapped out V for her. They must have realize there's a cap of one annoying character per episode.

Mister Meester: About as good about it as Tim Gunn did after meeting Taylor Momsen. Oh, who am I kidding ... bring back devilish Little J and crank B's vengeance meter up to 11.

DANdy: At first, I wasn't a fan of it, but then I thought more and... oh no. I'll get back to you after I go vomit. Again.

What do you think? Sound off in the comments, and vote below!

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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Gossip Girl Season 4 Episode 5 Quotes

Serena: B, can I talk to you for a minute?
Blair: Yes. [to Minion #1] Five paces behind. For privacy. [to Minion #2] Ten for you.

Researching women of power so I can better forge my path to become one ... Sarah Louise Palin!? [to follower] Do you even want to be a minion?!