Gossip Girl Review: Chair Goes to War, V Gets Played!!

at .

This week's Gossip Girl was entitled "Goodbye, Columbia." We also would have accepted "Now That's More Like It," since it was vintage Gossip Girl from beginning to end, with no more filler, dancing around bigger issues or promising bigger things down the line.

The war was just plain ON last night, with all of the sarcasm, ridiculously complex schemes, salacious plot lines and no-holds-barred backstabbing reminiscent of Season One.

In the end, Chuck and Blair fought to a virtual draw in this round, while in a separate battle, V paid the price and became collateral damage in Juliet's quest to ruin Serena.

Serenate on Campus

Juliet is his priority now, Nate tells Serena. If only he knew the half of it.

Chuck pulling out all the stops to destroy Blair? Juliet finally getting her act in gear after four episodes of buildup and trying to ruin Serena for good? And Vanessa getting played?

My colleague Gossip Guy is gonna be in heaven when he wakes up hung over at 9:30 and watches on DVR. "Goodbye, Columbia" had the makings of a great episode, and delivered.

As much as we love Chair together, watching them square off like this made for a wildly entertaining blast from the past ... the kind of stuff that hooked us on GG years ago.

Promising to donate a “Bart Bass Memorial Rotunda” to the school, Chuck is now auditing classes at Columbia. AND scoring the position Blair coveted as Martha Chamberlain’s TA.

Chuck clearly brought his A game. She brought ... well, her B game.

When B tries to set her up with a partner at Cyrus’ law firm to win back her academic affections, Chuck is one step ahead of her, putting up said lawyer at the Empire with a girl.

He embarrasses her further by sending a woman in the lawyer’s place, after which Chamberlain hears Chair bicker about their schemes and swears off the university altogether.

The best part is that this is just the beginning, Chuck promises. Whatever B wants in this world, he will take away. Her stinging comeback is that he'll never be happy without her.

But, by referencing Jenny Humphrey in that final dig, she gets Chuck's brain working in a potentially scandalous way. Why hasn't Blair told anyone about the rumor, he wonders?

A fair question, and one he plans to probe by calling the admissions office at Parsons, saying he needs to speak with Tim Gunn about enrolling a new student: Jenny Humphrey.

Now that's going to be something. Why must we wait two weeks!

The Minions at Columbia

Blair and her minions were no match for a Bass Five Hurricane.

The aforementioned Chair drama alone would have made the episode worth watching, but it took second fiddle last night to Juliet's ramped-up efforts to ruin Serena FOREVER.

Seriously, she is not messing around this time, and it's awesome.

Juliet kicks things up a notch or 12 after her imprisoned co-conspirator tells her he wants S to be left with NOTHING, just like he was. This guy and Chuck need to swap ideas.

We still don't know quite why Ben's hell bent on ruining SVDW, but at least he was growing as impatient with Juliet as we were. He wants Serena expelled from Columbia. Now.

Wouldn't you know it, Gossip Girl blasts that Serena may be putting the S in STD. Already brutal, this put a sequence of events in motion that were crazy even by GG standards.

He’s sure it's untrue, but Nate lets Juliet talk him into getting tested before they are intimate for the first time. The ultimate card to play. Dan goes with Nate for moral support.

A pic of them at the Student Health Service is sent to Gossip Girl. Vanessa sees that photo and becomes even more paranoid that Dan and Serena slept together last spring.

When she sees how frantic Vanessa is over this, Juliet senses a golden opportunity and has her unwitting accomplice gank Serena's phone during a party at Hamilton House.

She makes V check S' email, ostensibly so that she can find out if she slept with Dan. The snooping V is relieved to find that her boyfriend has in fact been telling her the truth.

This wasn't Juliet's real motive, of course. She sends an email from Serena's account to Serena’s English professor, offering sex for grades. So wrong ... and yet not unrealistic.

The professor and the Dean, who is with him, informs S that she could be expelled. Vanessa overhears everything, and tells Juliet that they have to speak up and save Serena.

Secret Phone Call?

Katie Cassidy rules. End of discussion.

Juliet's got yet another trick up her sleeve, though ... or in Vanessa's purse. By stashing it there, everyone believes Juliet over V when the $h!t hits the fan, given V's motive.

Exiled and shamed, Vanessa packs an overnight bag and leaves Dan’s for her parents'. The perfect pawn in the perfect scheme, even if that scheme had to be ad-libbed a bit.

Juliet's partner in crime is displeased when Serena is not expelled, but she insists she has now earned Serena's trust enough to pull it off. What's her next move going to be?

That we'll have to wait and see, but she showed Nate some moves of a different sort as the episode concluded. Love her or hate her, that was a hot scene, you have to admit.

Having dodged a bullet, S goes to a bar to drink alone. She meets the guy from Blair's building (guest star Sam Page) who's been stealing her cabs. Future romance? Check!

Terrific stuff all around. A few random thoughts:

  • Does that professor check his email like every five seconds? Would Juliet's diabolical plan have unraveled the same way had he read it, say, the next morning?
  • The song played as the episode concluded was "Like a G6" by Far East Movement. Bonus points if anyone can settle a dispute among our staffers as to what a G6 is.
  • Anyone else starting to think Ben is not Juliet's brother?
  • Honestly, what the HECK did Serena do to him?
  • How much do you love Chuck's "I win" voice?
  • Isn’t Jenny still a senior in high school?

What did you think of last night's Gossip Girl? Best of the season so far? What do you think will happen next with Chair and with Serena? Discuss below!

Goodbye, Columbia Review

Editor Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
  • 4.5 / 5.0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
User Rating:

Rating: 3.5 / 5.0 (204 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

Show Comments
Tags: ,

Gossip Girl Season 4 Episode 5 Quotes

Serena: B, can I talk to you for a minute?
Blair: Yes. [to Minion #1] Five paces behind. For privacy. [to Minion #2] Ten for you.

Researching women of power so I can better forge my path to become one ... Sarah Louise Palin!? [to follower] Do you even want to be a minion?!