Orange is the New Black Season 4 Episode 5 Review: We'll Always Have Baltimore

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Who doesn't love some free swag?

Linda might have a little too much affection for the only redeeming part of conventions on Orange is the New Black Season 4 Episode 5. While she and Caputo were off enjoying laser guns and crab cakes, unrest was brewing back at Litchfield. 

Maritza may have (temporarily) saved the day for Ruiz, but Piper's retaliation leads to unexpected consequences for everybody. Not to mention that her not so stealthy con-skills have attracted one guards attention. So much for laying low and doing your time. 

We'll Always Have Baltimore - Orange is the New Black

Maritza always let on that she's not really as dumb as she acts, and while I'm not claiming that she's some Einstein after this, she did prove that she is a pretty good student of human behavior. Her efforts may not always come off gracefully, but she's quick on her feet.

Her back story wasn't the most compelling, but it still gave us some insight to her character. Certainly, her life was upended by the guy who got her into bigger cons, but she was pulling small jobs to pad her salary already. It didn't seem like she was in any kind of dire situation to force her into crime.

Maritza's downfall may be overconfidence in her skills. Much like her escapade at the car dealership, she might have bitten off more than she can chew in trying to drop off the panties without alerting the guards. The new COs don't seem like the brightest bunch, but they do exhibit some sadistic tendencies. Her back-talk in the van was probably ill advised. 

Flaca: Are you nervous?
Maritza: It's only boys. Once you get the blood rushing to their dicks, they're like your servants.

Ramos isn't the only one that's figured out men. Linda certainly has Caputo wrapped around her little finger. Although it's difficult to watch (or comprehend) the callousness of the prison industry, I'm really enjoying the path that our "director of human activity" is on.

Caputo's always been a creep, but deep down, he's a good hearted creep. He has honestly wanted to do the best for the inmates in his care. Of course, he's also honestly wanted to get laid, which is causing a bit of a dilemma for him. 

Danny's warnings about Linda's satanic tendencies are just one sign that Caputo should ignore her siren call. Her callousness doesn't stop with prisoners; her thoughts on assistants were just as bad. She was also way too excited about going to a corporate conference.

One year, we got these little toy jail cells to put your candy in when you're on a diet. And then...yeah, another year, we got these Nerf-style guard batons. And so, anytime anyone said something stupid at a staff meeting, we would just whale on them. Until the incident with Greg's eye, but...

Linda

Piper's story with Piscatella was funny, but also predictable. From the moment she walked and started dancing around naming the Latina's, it was obvious where things were headed. At least when things reached that predestined conclusion, she looked shocked and unsettled by what was happening.

To be fair, Piper's "meh-ness" as a character has nothing to do with Taylor Schilling, without whom many of Brad William Henke's lines would have fallen flat. But the decision to cut out her support system back in NYC has boxed the character in. Piper's story was never just about Piper, it was about how impact her incarceration had on everybody in her orbit.

But Polly and Larry are out of the picture for good now, leaving Piper with only Cal and Neri on the outside -- and they haven't shown up so far this season. If there was some indication that Piper's posturing attitude was being caused by her isolation from her former life, it would be a little easier to swallow. Instead, it borders on the absurd.

Piper: You know what? I really love your beard.
Piscatella: I've had a beard since tenth grade. Two beards, actually. The one on my face, and the one I took to junior prom. Yeah. I like dudes. I will never find you adorable. Keep that in mind.

Piscatella is proving to be a really intriguing new character. but I'd also like to see more of the new CO, McCullough. The female CO's view on treatment of female prisoners is always going to be more sympathetic, if only because they can relate to things like lack of hygiene or sexism. I'd expect more conflict from her in carrying out her duties than from anybody else. 

The way that McCullough went from jokey bluster with the guys to an almost gentle escort of Gloria was rather telling, as was her commiseration with Ramos over menstrual cycles. At what point does she start feeling personally threatened by her colleagues hyper-chauvinism? I can't imagine living alone amongst that environment.

One time, I ran outta tampons, so I used on of those, um, dinosaur just-add-water sponges for kids. It was really fun! 'Cause it was like, "Ooh, I wonder what this will be? Oh! Brontosaurus Rex!"

Angie

So, Piper's busy blindly inciting a race war, Gloria keeps finding more reasons to call the ACLU, Caputo is being seduced by the devil of corporate corrections, and Lorna and Suzanne are hunting down a "poopsabitionist." Sounds like a normal Saturday at Litchfield. 

Keep an eye out for TV Fanatic Amanda Steinmetz's next review of Orange is the New Black Season 4 Episode 6! If you're behind, you can always watch Orange is the New Black online. We look forward to your thoughts on "We'll Always Have Baltimore" in the comments section!

We'll Always Have Baltimore Review

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Elizabeth Harlow is a staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter.

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Orange is the New Black Season 4 Episode 5 Quotes

One year, we got these little toy jail cells to put your candy in when you're on a diet. And then...yeah, another year, we got these Nerf-style guard batons. And so, anytime anyone said something stupid at a staff meeting, we would just whale on them. Until the incident with Greg's eye, but...

Linda

One time, I ran outta tampons, so I used on of those, um, dinosaur just-add-water sponges for kids. It was really fun! 'Cause it was like, "Ooh, I wonder what this will be? Oh! Brontosaurus Rex!"

Angie