With the conclusion of Scream Queens Season 2 Episode 10, another season of Scream Queens is behind us – or, should I say, at the bottom of the hospital's swamp.
The final installment of the season wrapped up the story and dispatched of many of the show's newly-introduced disposable characters, much as we expected leaving off at Scream Queens Season 2 Episode 9.
All in all, "Drain the Swamp" was an enjoyable, if slightly predictable, cap to the second season that definitely had its memorable moments.
The resolution of Nurse Hoffel's and Cassidy's stories went exactly as I'd imagined them. Like, to a T. I'd predicted that both Agatha Bean's sis and the "baby in the belly" wouldn't make it out of this season alive, and that's exactly what happened.
Kirstie Alley was wonderful as the increasingly unhinged, pill-popping Nurse Hoffel this season, an excellent adversary to the Chanels and to Dean Munsch.
I'd have hoped that her fate would have been open-ended, allowing for a potential reappearance down the line – if the show manages to get picked up for Season 3 – but her end seemed pretty damn final. Death by swamp quicksand was the cause of Hoffel's awful demise.
Of course, just prior to her death, Hoffel had one last failed attempt to kill the Chanels once and for all – via fertilizer bomb. Unfortunately for Hoffel (but fortunately for all of us who have become totally attached to these weirdly lovable yet horrible young women), her earlier assessment was right – the Chanels seem to have this impermeable layer of protection around them.
Oh my god! The Chanels are impossible to kill. It's almost like their narcissism and stupidity create some kind of a forcefield around them.Nurse Hoffel
Cassidy, on the other hand, I was less sorry to see go – and that's not just because his death was so incredibly lame.
Chanel #3: Shut up. This was his redemption. Now he can be forgiven for killing all those people.
Chanel: Uhhhh, I don't think it works that way.
Chanel #3: Shut up!
It was great to hear #3 get a little bit meta when she called out the redemption storytelling trope at play in Cassidy's death, explaining that "now he could be forgiven" for all the murders, given that he'd sacrificed himself to safe her life. Kudos (and LOLs) to Chanel for rightly pointing out that that isn't exactly how redemption from the serial murdering of random innocent people works. Oh, #3.
But seriously, what was Cassidy thinking? As Brock and Denise pointed out, there were about 100 different ways that Cassidy could have saved #3 before putting his chest squarely between #3's body and Hoffel's expertly-tossed machete.
Speaking of which – where the heck did Hoffel get a machete? And why was she running with it? Didn't Mrs. Bean the Elder ever tell her daughters not to run with machetes (or, incidentally, not to allow snotty sorority girls to dunk their heads into vats of boiling peanut oil for a prank)?
Jane's ending (getting shot by Hoffel after her change of heart) was equally unremarkable. Thanks to the power of Zayday's persuasion, Jane finally saw the light and realized that taking down a hospital that was helping people didn't make any sense and that she should leave vengeance behind to properly mourn her husband.
Zayday: He did the right thing, which means deep down, he's a good person who knows right from wrong. Who taught him that?
Jane Hollis: Well, he watches a lot of television. 'Modern Family' impacted him deeply.
Leave it to Zayday to talk sense into a psychopath.
Jane's and Cassidy's deaths didn't work because they were too much in earnest. Earnestness (or legitimate emotion) doesn't fit on this show; it all felt highly out of place and all too serious.
Brock Holt was, by a landslide, the most successful of the trio of new major characters introduced this season. His storyline wrapped up perfectly on the finale.
John Stamos has killer chemistry with just about everyone in the cast, but I particularly liked his work with Lea Michele. Hester's unhinged murderphilia paired perfectly with Brock's own barely-concealed homicidal impulses.
Hester's master plan – to have Brock marry Munsch and for them to take her fortune to abscond after she died of Kuru – hit a major snag, but it worked out just fine in the end. In the meantime, Brock's fake marriage to Munsch was easily the best plot of the finale and provided the absolute best one-liners.
#5, still on her secretly-a-medical-genius streak, deduced that Munsch might not have Kuru, convincing Brock to perform a brain biopsy on Munsch to test for it. That operation allowed for one of the installment's best moments, when an enraged Chanel (pissed after not received the engagement ring from Brock) decided to dump a scalding hot Pumpkin Spice Latte into Munsch's open cranium and onto her brain.
If there was ever a more perfectly Chanel Oberlin method of murder (death by PSL!!), I can't think of one. #3 and #5 attempting to convince Chanel that her plan wouldn't even work was also hilarious, combined with the general weirdness of no one questioning why Chanel had brought a hot seasonal coffee beverage into a craniotomy.
The eventual resolution of Munsch's Kuru storyline rendered basically her entire plot this season a giant waste of time, but hey, that's Scream Queens for you. As it turned out, Munsch hadn't eaten human brains at all – she'd eaten monkey brains, and her formerly traveling companion wasn't thrilled with the implication that all New Guineans eat human brains.
Munsch: Wait, are you saying that I ate lamb brains and not human brains?
Swando: Of course we don't eat human brains, you xenophobic piece of garbage!
Instead, as #5 deduced, Munsch was just severely dehydrated – a result of the fact that Munsch solely drinks scotch and vodka and absolutely 0 water. Whoops.
The most satisfying aspect of the finale was Denise Hemphill's triumphant return. I still would have preferred for her to have stayed on the show for the entire season, but her grand re-entrance was pretty worthwhile. Naturally, Denise would be the one to dismantle the bomb and save everyone from certain death, a skill acquired courtesy of her Quantico binge-watching.
Runner-up for most satisfying: Hester and Brock having successfully absconded to Blood Island, where they were free to murder as many shipwrecked tourists as their evil little hearts desired. Honestly, it was a perfect ending for those two – I'd have hated to see them die, and it wouldn't have made any sense at all for them to stick around back at the hospital with the rest of the group.
Chanel, having learned literally nothing from her experiences yet again, wound up convinced that she'd gotten everything she wanted – and, as an aside totally unimportant to her, that everyone else around her had gotten what they wanted as well.
#5 and Zayday were running the CURE Institute as medical wunderkinds – which was a little weird given that they never actually became doctors as far as we saw, but whatever. Chanel was hosting Dr. Lovin's old show (re-branded as "Lovin' the C"), with #3 executive producing.
But, of course, we can never leave off without a cliffhanger – and Season 2's was a doozy. As Chanel left her studio after filming and entered her car, she found a mysterious Kappa pin and the Red Devil waiting in the backseat, presumably there to kill her.
Who could it be? My first guess was Grace, escaped from the insane asylum and wanting to avenge her father Wes, but it could also have just been a fakeout since the same thing was done in the closing moments of the Scream Queens Season 1 Finale.
Either way, we'll only find out if Scream Queens is miraculously picked up for Season 3. Personally, I'm not holding my breath, though the performances and dialogue alone are more than enough for me to continue enjoying this show for however long they want to continue making new episodes.
- It was only a quick bit, but I loved the moment where Denise just assumed that Hillary Clinton had won the election. I'd totally forgotten that we've been Denise-less since before November 8th.
- The pop-up that blocked Hoffel from accessing the How To Make A Fertilizer Bomb search result ("Are you a terrorist?" "Yes, I am a terrorist" "No, I'm not a terrorist") was hilarious.
- Shockingly, Chanel #8 (aka Daria, aka Moebius) made it out of Scream Queens Season 2 alive! I think that makes her the first non-Hester ancillary Chanel to outlive the end of the serial killing rampage.
- This finale was filled with excellent callbacks to Scream Queens Season 1, but one of the best was Hoffel remarking that she'd heard there were no dinosaurs in hell when she left the group to die. That connects back to Chanel #2's visit to Chanel from beyond the grave, when she complained about hell being a total dud.
- Finally, we learned the truth about #5's vagina teeth!
Chanel #5: I do have teeth in my vagina!
Chanel: I knew it!
Chanel #5: I didn't want to die a liar. They are very sharp. And I don't know how they got there.
What did you think of think of the finale? Leave me a comment below and watch Scream Queens online here at TV Fanatic to relive the entire season!
Caralynn Lippo is a staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter.