Hey there, Purgers, never has there been more need for your assistance than now!
As was apparent on The Purge Season 1 Episode 5, your urge to Purge better be satisfied by the end of this run, or you may never have the chance to do it again.
Frankly, there is a lot of disappointment in the number of Purgers on the streets and the ease with which a small cavalry of rebels managed to infiltrate the NFFA festivities at the Stanton Estate. Blessed be America.
There is nothing but philosophical blood and guts on social media and in the news in REAL America, so excuse the hell out of me if I'd prefer some action from The Purge.
Instead, I'm unsatisfied. From the comments, at least I know I'm not alone in this feeling. Because, yes, I am well aware it is not about me, but there is very little about The Purge that is speaking about politics on any level.
While the movies used some time to address to real-life possibilities, very little of it has translated to the small screen. This variant is losing focus faster than bullets escape the chamber on a semi-automatic on Purge Night.
And you know what? It's almost hard to find one of those. That rotten post-NFFA USA has so few criminals that Purge night is downright desolate. It's so empty it's hard to understand why Jane and Miguel had to auto-up with others to get anywhere.
Who expected Jane to know how to hotwire a car? More importantly, if she knew how to do that, what the hell was she doing in that RV with the militant women she couldn't stand? Yes, redundant questions, but my ire has risen much like the rebels.
Remember Jane hunkered down in the street while the heavy metal rolled by slowly with gals in colorful dresses mounted on top firing weapons only to waste ammunition? The speed was such that they were behind a mask-wearing fella sporting a fire-shooting weapon who was on foot. Walking. Why? WHY???
No photos of Jane and her trials with the PIG stamp, even if it was one of the more entertaining moments of the installment. Jane, the erstwhile killer, suddenly gets a grizzly tummy when she has to witness an abusive man getting a PIG brand on his forehead. She could have never killed David on her own.
Jane: Is this necessary?
Madelyn: We don't enjoy this part, but yeah, it's necessary. Once he's marked, all women will know he's a violent animal.
The streets of Purge Night are so empty the cowboy had to stop his truck to have a conversation with Miguel so we could catch a glimpse of some maiming we would otherwise have missed as they whizzed by.
If I'm not mistaken, a chick had a man down (no apparent ties) and was dumping street salt down his throat with a giant funnel. As you do. Was that even worth gawking at in traffic?
The guy who won Penelope at auction is her former boyfriend, Henry. Their stories don't jive about how they broke up, but knowing what I do about the freak that is Penelope, I'd rather ride along with drug-addled Henry on a tour of state parks than hang with her.
Sure, we know now Penelope didn't leave Henry to join a cult, but Miguel's attitude did need a little adjustment before he went to the military. Beating people until their eyes are paralyzed is a bit over the top. Call the cops, dude, instead of having them called on you.
And all the trauma in the world isn't driving me into a cult, so I'm biased against Penelope, admittedly.
It was difficult listening to her scream "help" when she was being wheeled toward her possible fate with Henry when she could have already been hacked to death with an ax. No backsies. Do you want to die aiding Purge Night freaks or not? She's too confusing.
Of course, Penelope and Miguel will be left standing at the end because they're OTP. No. OG. No. OMFG. Close. OMG. Um. OMF!! So close.
Similarly, Miguel's trip with the cowboy ended oddly. I had forgotten why he was with the guy until they were finished fighting in the cab of the truck and Miguel snagged his carnival pass.
What a lame carnival! Have we already noted during the review of The Purge Season 1 Episode 4 what a crappy turnout it has for 2018? Because it is even worse now. Were there any guests when Miguel was looking around before he stumbled upon a friend there?
The odds of that are downright ridiculous.
But there was also the story at the Stanton residence inside the McMansion. If it's anything like the one at the office building, it's soon to come to a close, at least for everyone but Jemma and Rick (because they're so scintillating).
Albert and Eleanor revealed another big surprise for the guests by way of three smelly offerings. If they're such grand hosts, why did they have to resort to unwashed street urchins for their offerings?
At the very least, they could have showered them and slapped them into some tuxedos to make them look like the other guests. Put the fear of the NFFA into them. What fun is it chopping to bits three harmless homeless people?
Albert and Eleanor, you would have been on my list for next year's offering for lack of creativity. Why would anyone risk contaminating themselves in the melee that they were bestowing upon that room? Ick. No.
Catalina the maid continued to help Jemma for reasons unknown.
It's not like Jemma was unduly kind to the woman or even that she had some special glint of personality that shone brightly above all others at the party. Catalina protected her only because it was written in the script.
Even hot Lila disappeared. Maybe she's sulking behind her bedroom door, or maybe she was offed by her dad because she failed to provide him with a grandchild. It's Purge Night. Anything goes.
She sure as hell wasn't racing to accept advances made by Jemma, so Jem was stuck with dullard Rick when militant (twice that word was used in one review) rebels decided to assault the Stanton house and kill or be killed.
Given the guests were armed with daggers and sick with bloodlust, they were going down like bowling pins.
Catalina got the married duo out of the house unharmed. So, I guess that's it for the big guns of the NFFA.
We will either learn they have been taken down or they remain in power. Surely they have a succession plan in place if all of the leaders head over to the Stanton's for Purge night when anything goes.
It would be stupid to believe yourself beyond the policy you enacted when you are partaking of it yourselves.
But that would also rule out that the series is not going to dive into a political message now, just when the series got ridiculously boring and interest has waned.
It seems so far out that the economy would be blossoming and there would be no crime and yet people would want to end it. So, there has to be more to the story. Are 364 days of Utopia worth one day of Hell?
What is the price for Utopia? Is anything worth it?
At the stage of The Purge we're witnessing, most citizens seem safe. People have had time to fortify their residences, and staying inside assures their safety. With so few people participating, the idiots would be weeded out after a number of years.
Share your thoughts on all things Purge TV in the comments. Where is it going, and what would you give for a stress-free life?
For more, watch The Purge online!!
Carissa Pavlica is the managing editor and a staff writer and critic for TV Fanatic. She's a member of the Critic's Choice Association, enjoys mentoring writers, cats, and passionately discussing the nuances of television and film. Follow her on Twitter and email her here at TV Fanatic.