Hopefully, you bought Kleenex in bulk since you may have gone through more than one box after New Amsterdam Season 1 Episode 21.
The penultimate finale was infuriating, heartbreaking, and inspiring. In other words, it was another quality hour of one of the best new series of the year.
After this eventful hour, New Amsterdam is going to have a hell of a season finale.
It's incredible how long Max went this season battling cancer but not visibly showing the signs of it. It was easy to forget he was a man who was fighting for his life while fighting for everyone else's especially since he often forgot himself.
This hour had him at his worse and scariest.
While the nurse who told him he was unrecognizable was an irritation, she wasn't wrong. They managed to make a handsome man like Ryan Eggold look the part with the pale skin and dark, sunken eyes. He looked frail too.
Max is typically the human version of the Energizer bunny, but he couldn't walk down the hall without taking a break or nearly keeling over. It was the hardest thing viewers had to witness to date.
He wouldn't stop though, and dear God is it always this tough loving someone stubborn and relentless? Max was at a point where if he didn't sit down he would be lying down permanently. I don't doubt Virginia isn't great at her job, and her approach to Max was beneficial, but the aggressive chemo regimen he is on is killing him.
Helen: You are dying Max.
Max: This may be one of the last things I do.
Everyone could see it. Helen's decision to step back as his doctor was a reasonable and sound choice, but I can't fault her for stepping back in after watching Max collapse in front of her.
What's the plan though? What could she arrange for Max now? His cancer is diminishing, but he's also wasting away and not doing well. What's the plan for him?
Max's quest to socialize healthcare at New Amsterdam by spreading the news to all of how the hospital treats the uninsured was a well-intended fool's quest. Cruella De Vil (who makes way too many callous remarks about Max dying given his state) had reason to chastise him.
His attempt to help Luke didn't pan out as he had hoped. Max was climbing an uphill battle, or a slope in the middle of the hospital. He's trying to hold everything up and keep it all together, but it's killing him to do so.
I'm happy he listened to Helen and went home. Their scene as she stood outside the hospital as he drove away in a taxi was a lovely callback to New Amsterdam Season 1 Episode 1 when he did the same.
It's time for you to go home, Max. You're going home to stay alive. This is not the end.Helen
Back then, he was the new director who wanted her on his team, and he didn't know if she would be returning to the 'Dam to work with him; he didn't know if it was the last time he would see her.
This time, she's the interim/deputy director, and they have forged a relationship and are and have been working together, but she was watching him leave not knowing for sure if she'd see him again.
Had Max not gone home when he did, who knows what would've happened? It's safe to say the blood on his clothes when Bloom arrived belonged to Georgia and not him.
Georgia had a rough pregnancy, and baby Luna is likely on her way. Max is in no state to deal with whatever complications have sprouted up, but Lauren is presumably clear-headed and ready to jump into action.
At first, it was odd how she chose to go to Max's house instead of attempting to meet him another time, but it's a good thing she did. She better roll up her sleeves and jump right in. Something tells me things are about to get messy.
Bloom is back, but are you surprised she wants to take a permanent break? We didn't have enough time with her to know for sure where her head is right now.
Reynolds: It's good to have you back.
Reynolds: Yeah, you're back, aren't you?
Bloom: I was actually thinking about asking Max to extend my leave.
Reynolds: For how long?
She didn't leave the hospital on the best of terms in her mind. Max wants her back and said he would have a job for her, but she wasn't happy with Helen. Does she want a fresh start somewhere else? Does she want to give up medicine altogether?
Does she think New Amsterdam will trigger her somehow or she doesn't want the memories? I don't know. She spoke to Floyd for a brief moment, mostly about Evie, but we didn't get enough time with her to know what's on her mind.
Bloom isn't the only one who may have some jumbled up feelings about Helen. Akash didn't respond well to Helen telling him about how she was taking Max on as her patient again and not going with him.
I like Akash, and I even understand some of his wariness regarding Helen's devotion to Max. However, I don't feel as though we know enough about what makes him click to understand what he wants from Helen.
Yes, he could view it as Helen putting Max first, but given Max's terrible state of damn near meeting his maker, it hardly seems like something to be upset about or surprised. He's the one who called Helen out on how she gets on with Max; if he's aware of what he got into, then why get upset at all?
Helen explained things well though. Max not only is her friend, and her friends seem to matter to her a great deal, but he's the guy who renewed her passion for what she does and medicine. He has done it for everyone who works at the hospital.
Max is beloved, so if she knows she's in a better position to save her friend and the person whom the entire hospital adores, why wouldn't she?
At this rate, I think any guy who chooses to get involved with Helen must accept how passionate she is about her job, about New Amsterdam, the people in it, and yes, Max, who has become her best friend; it is what it is.
Is this the last of Akash though? I'm going to hate to see him go if it is. I adored him and Helen verbal sparring on television and then going into the bathroom for a hot makeout session. They have great chemistry, were cute, and I still maintain they would have the most adorable babies.
Helen was at her most annoying with the meeting with Iggy and the social worker who reported him. The hospital has to take reports seriously and follow protocols, but Iggy's inquisition was maddening!
The worst part about the questions and how they were being asked was how little room there was to elaborate or explain the context. Iggy treats his patients as individuals, and by doing so, it could come across as "special treatment" or him being too intimate and close with them.
It was infuriating how the line of question sounded like Iggy was a presumed pedophile. It was enraging and uncomfortable when you factor in his sexual orientation, and how often ignorant people make such egregious, gross assumptions.
If I'm not there for my patients when they need me the most, what am I doing here?Iggy
Avi was a victim of molestation, and we found out why he didn't want to go to Missouri. Iggy chose to see the bright side of the predicament he was in, and he concluded he wouldn't have found out or been able to help Avi without the investigation.
However, all I could think about was a young man sharing his assault in a room with his therapist and two women who were watching to make sure nothing inappropriate happened. How was that in Avi's best interest?
Iggy is a better person than I; kudos to him for not holding a grudge against the social worker or Helen and for taking away something of value from his experience.
We may think Iggy is the best shrink, but he realized he did cross lines by getting too personal with his kids, and he figured it wouldn't help them long-term. His patients learn to open up to him, but he felt he didn't provide them with the tools to face the world.
Iggy plans to change his methods, and he'll have to become something different than who he is. It's disheartening to think of Iggy changing.
Helen: Thank you.
Iggy: For what?
Helen: Being you.
Iggy: I'm not sure that's a good thing anymore.
Meanwhile, Floyd and Evie are going strong, and Floyd opened up to her about how important his family is to him. He wanted her to attend Sunday dinner, but he was honest and told her he wants her to come to all the Sunday dinners.
His family is a significant part of his life, and so far, he has kept that part separate from Evie, but he feels the timing is right.
As someone who understands the importance of family, he worked well with his case of the patients with TB. Their big family was tight-knit, and I loved how he and Kapoor helped the family work through the situation and then made it better for them.
Once again, Kapoor had another hearbreaking speech about his wife and how he and his family were estranged. Can Kapoor not break our hearts during every installment?
Where does one sign the petition for Kapoor to find peace, love, happiness, and family?
Since we're signing petitions can Max catch a single break? Sheesh!
Over to you, 'Dam Fanatics! Can Helen find a new treatment plan for Max in time? Why is Max covered in blood?
Should Iggy change how he practices? What do you hope to see in the finale? Hit the comments below.
If you need a refresher before the finale, you can watch New Amsterdam online here via TV Fanatic!
Jasmine Blu is a staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter.