Better Off Ted Quotes

Phil and Lem: Deal with it!

Linda [to Veronica]: When you do care, you care one hundred and crazy percent.

Ted: Do you know how many times I didn’t get laid in college because girls don’t like getting hissed at by a jealous possum?

Billy: If you tell anyone I did you a solid, I will tear off your head and tinkle in your skull!

Phil: That’s right, once a month they send us a new cadaver whether we’re finished with the old one or not.

Veronica: Saddle up, Linda! And say goodbye to common sense.

Phil: We can’t leave work in the middle of the day. We’re not Somali pirates.

Veronica: The forest will run red with the blood of woodland creatures who doubted little Veronica and will now pay with their furry…

Linda: I had an aunt who fought a cow for beer money once. The cow never forgave her.

Billy: Hey, are those fresh nuts?