The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXAgnes Skinner Quotes
Skinner: Okay, you have a deal, you conniving little (whispers in Bart's ear)
Bart: Wow, that's a swear!?
Skinner: Used as a noun, it is.
Milhouse: Lisa, if I don't make it back, there's a letter in my locker I want you to read.
Lisa: I've already read it.
Principal Skinner: We've all read it.
(On the phone) Lord, give me guidance... That's right, the guidance department. Thank you, Mrs. Lord.
Principal Skinner
Simpson! I'll teach you to make a Poupon me!
Principal Skinner
Lisa: I've got something! The sixth grade security camera shows three empty desks.
Principal Skinner: Enhance!
(Camera zooms in on desk with "Skinner Stinks" carved into it)
Principal Skinner: De-hance! De-hance!
Mrs. Krabapel: This game is a great way to meet eligible men who can afford a computer.
(Skinner's character, a scaly turkey, comes up)
Skinner: Or have access to one in the school library.
Mrs. Krabapel: It's amazing how you can be a turkey in every reality.
Skinner: What's important is we're talking.
Skinner: Moving on, our class trip to Italy is now spaghetti night at Papa John's. And your $1,500 deposits will not be refunded.
Homer: (excitedly) Ooh! Papa John's.
Skinner: Simpson, I know you're behind this! Well, you are going to get some counseling from the school psychologist!
School Psychologist: DARK STANLEY'S GONNA EAT MY BRAINS!
Superintendent Chalmers: Or from a qualified professional.
Groundskeeper Willie: I'll bring those kids back dead or alive!
Skinner: Not DEAD!
Groundskeeper Willie: Aw, you never let Willie be Willie!
What monster, or pair of monsters would steal all of our fire extinguishers?
Bart: Where is Nelson?
Skinner: I'm sorry. Nelson never woke up.
Bart: What?!
Skinner: Never woke up because he never passed out -- he's right over there.
Principal Skinner: I'd do anything for my beloved Army.
Recruiter: How about re-enlisting?
Principal Skinner: How about you bite me?
