The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXAgnes Skinner Quotes
Ned: Now let us download the holy tweet of the Lord.
Agnes: Stop making this relatable!
Jimbo: Hey, as a youth if I don't hear a computer word every couple sentences, I am out of here.
Ralph: What's a battle?
Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, lets go.
Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle?
Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct.
Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so--
Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's?
Principal Skinner: May I interest you in a jello brick, sir? There's a grape in the center.
Superintendent Chalmers: Well, I'm not made of stone.
Over, under, in and out, that's what shoe tying is all about.
Principal Skinner
Well, Edna, for a school with no Asian kids, I think we put on a pretty darn good science fair.
Principal Skinner
Good evening, everyone, and welcome to a wonderful evening of theater and picking up after yourselves.
Principal Skinner
Principal Skinner: But first, our second prize winner and the recipient of this handsome shoe buffer... Ned Flanders.
Ned: (gasps)
Homer: Oh it's no fair, we'll never have a buffer!
Marge: We have one at home, you never use it.
Homer: Well, I want that one!
Skinner: Now It's never easy to come to a new school so let's make her feel right at home. Please say a big Elementary school hello to Samantha Stinky!
Samantha: Stanky.
Skinner: Oh, right....how embarrassing for you.
Skinner: It's a miracle nobody was hurt.
Otto: I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality.
Kent Brockman: But there's already one big winner...Our state school system, which gets fully half the profits from the library.
Skinner: Just think what we can buy with that money...History books that know how the Korean War came out. Math books that don't have that base six crap in them! And a state-of-the-art detention hall, where children are held in place by magnets.
Teacher: This is a great day for me. I thought I could never teach again!
Skinner: Oh, things have changed. There will be no mockery of your name, Mr. Glascock.
Principal Skinner: Some sick individual has stolen every "Teacher's Edition!"
Teacher: What do we do?
Mrs. Krabappel: Declare a snow day!
Teacher #2: Does anyone know the multiplication table?
