Andy Bernard Quotes
Andy: Where's Dwight?
Jim: You okay, man?
Andy: No. Not at all, actually. But thanks for asking. Appreciate it. You know what? I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for lying. To my face. And not telling me what's been going on this entire time.
Creed: You are welcome.
Angela: Standard, you know? Nothing fancy.
Andy: So like, missionary...
Angela: I said nothing fancy.
Andy: Do you love him?
Angela: I love you.
Andy: Why should I believe that?
Angela: Andy, we are at a crossroads here. And we can either give in to what people are saying that we're not good together.
Andy: Who says that?
Angela: Or, we can prove them wrong. Let's prove them wrong.
Andy: How long has it been going on?
Angela: I don't know. I mean, we were together, and then he killed sprinkles, and then we stopped, and... I don't know exactly when we started up again.
Andy: Who else knows about it?
Angela: Michael.
Andy: Who else?
Angela: Let me think about it... I, um... there... [Andy sees everyone watching them]
Andy: Oh God. Come on!
Andy: Is it true?
Angela: What have you heard?
Andy: That you're sleeping with Dwight.
Angela: That doesn't sound like me.
Andy: Is it true?
Angela: Andy, I'm engaged to you. I mean, we just signed off on our wedding flowers. Would I have said yes to formal chrysanthemums if I didn't want to get married? And, we went through all that stuff with our wedding cake...
Andy: Just answer the question. Are you sleeping with Dwight?
Angela: A little bit.
Michael: Ohh, I do not have much time... car's all the way over there, to tell you what I have to tell you. And just bear in mind when I say... say these things, that... are bad things... that you hear... in your ears... this is something that I, if I were you, that I wouldn't want to hear...
Andy: You're not making any sense.
Michael: Well... no, I'm not. So I... I'm not very articulate today, so I'll just leave it for another time. Another day.
Andy: All righty.
Michael: Which will be fine. I am off!
Michael: Dwight and Angela are having an affair. They've been sleeping together for some time. That was the news. I wanted to let you know.
Andy: What?
Michael: All right. See you later. Ahh.
Andy: Are you serious?
Michael: Yep.
Andy: Excuse me, everyone, can I have the floor please? Um, this is insanely awkward. It's kind of the elephant in the room, so I'll just... [sighs] No one has RSVP'ed to our wedding yet, and the deadline was yesterday.
Michael: Wait, you still don't know...
Jim: No, no. Nope.
Andy: Hmm?
Jim: Nothing.
Andy: All right, everybody's still here. Perfect! Got a little surprise I've been working on. Angela, my bride, I just wanted you to know that for the rest of our lives, no matter the cultural milieu, I will always be there to bring you Christmas cheer. [sings] Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Tis the season to be jolly. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Don we now our gay apparel. Fa-la-la-la-la-LA. Troll the ancient Yule tide carol. Roo-di-di-di-do. Roododododo
Angela: I think I'd like to go home now.
Andy: Sure. Dooo. Tough room. Come on. I just learned it. Just so you know protocol is a little round of applause. But, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was Puke. I would chug a fifth of SoCo, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more SoCo, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.
Was that hot or what?
Hey Tuna, check it out. Tuna sandwich. Just like you.
Andy: Uh, Dwight, if we pay extra, could you slaughter the entrees the day before?
Dwight: ... I'll consider it.
Andy: See? That's how you do it! Makin' progress here. [steps in manure, trying to laugh it off] ... Darn! Heh.
Dwight: There's a hose out back.
Andy: Okay.
