Bender Quotes
Robot Mayor: Welcome to a very special human hunt! We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathiser!
(The robots in the crowd laugh.)
Robot Mayor: (continues) A newly-arrived refugee from Earth, let's hear it for... Bender!
Fry: It's him! He's OK!
Bender: Death to humans!
(The robots in the crowd cheer.)
Fry: Aww... It's good to hear his voice.
Bender: Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species, as well as some of the more cunning monkeys. But after living on Earth, I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful!
Fry: My God! He's become evil... I mean eviller!
Bender: Wait! What's that?
Robot Mayor: That's the old abandoned adult book store. Nothing in there except a few mouldy old shreds of robot pornography.
Bender: Hmm, sounds like a breeding ground for humans. I'd better check it out.
Robot Mayor: Anything in the trap?
Bender: Nothing. Today's active humans prefer a low-calorie bait.
Fry: We've been looking for you. Last we heard you were under arrest as a human sympathiser.
Bender: I was. But they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans.
Fry: But Bender, we're your friends!
Bender: Friends? That activates my hilarity unit! I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends of me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph or the electric chair!
Bender: I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots, but not these two. They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards.
Fry: Damn right!
Bender: You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right?
Leela: Of course.
Fry: But that doesn't make it any less meaningful.
I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.
Bender: Alright, let's make this quick, I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this?
Blue Elder: Silence! It is time to put the humans to death.
Fry: But the judge already sentenced us at the trial!
Red Elder: Silence! That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet, hand-carved from meteorites by the Robot Founders over four centuries ago.
Blue Elder: Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honour of executing the prisoners.
Green Elder: Silence! I concur!
Bender: The fact is, humans are completely harmless.
Blue Elder: We're well aware of that.
Bender: You are?
Blue Elder: Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problem.
Green Elder: Like our crippling lug nut shortage.
Orange Elder: And a corrupt government of incompetent Robot Elders.
Yellow Elder: Duh, that's for sure.
Blue Elder: Quiet, Jimmy.
Leela: I might've liked Zapp if he wasn't an arrogant jerkwad that threw me in prison.
Bender: You know, you really are too picky.
