Bob Kelso Quotes
Listen up, bozos. That gentleman over there is basically a cash piata waiting to be whacked open. So how about someone diagnoses him so I can get my candy?
Dr. Kelso
Orderly: (Handing Elliot a chart) This guy has an S.T.D., and he definitely doesn't want his wife to find out.
Elliot: (Walks in, sees Kelso)
Dr. Kelso: Crap.
J.D.'s Narration: Even though I had no clue what I was gonna say, Elliot's attitude inspired me to go introduce the hell out of Bob Kelso.
J.D.: Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Bob Kelso is a-
Dr. Kelso: Thank you, Dr. Dorian! Thank you so much for this award. Delighted to see you all...
Dr. Kelso: You know, Perry, it wouldn't hurt you to make some noise around here.
Dr. Cox: How's this? Blow it out your ass, Bob.
See, there are numerous skilled surgeons here at Sacred Fart - (laughs) did you see the sign? Though there will be no vandalism here, people!... It was classic!
Dr. Kelso
Turk: Dr. Kelso! Do you have any idea who's gonna get those three attending spots next year?
Dr. Kelso: There are four spots for next year.
Turk: Three if you're not counting the one going to me!
Dr. Kelso: I'm gonna stick with four, Turkleton.
Dr. Kelso: She's right, Turkleton. Hell, without anesthesia, you made it halfway through a surgery. I bet you could publish that.
Dr. Cox: Maybe they'll put it in Almost Magazine.
Dr. Kelso: Well, it's about time. Hell's bells, son, when I say the name Turkleton, people laugh!
Turk: Maybe because that's not my name.
Dr. Kelso: Not yet, Turkleton! Not yet.
Turkleton, this is quite the event here at Sacred Fart. I can't help it, it kills me! Yeah, we got visiting doctors, video crews, even that Japanese news anchor who slept with me when I convinced her I was an oil tycoon. If she comes over here, my name is T-Bone!
Dr. Kelso
There it is, just like I said. I can feel your hatred like a cool spring breeze. Ahhh.
Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: Son, when you're an intern, you get treated like crap; and then when you're in a position of power, you do the same thing to them. It's inevitable! Like the tide, or the awkward toast I'm going to have to give some day at my son's big gay wedding. Mark my words: Eventually you'll treat them like dirt like the rest of us do.
I was going to be a cardiologist, but I didn't have the heart.
Dr. Kelso
