Mitchell: Well, if the shoe fits...
Cam: They don't, they're comically large.

It's ten feet long with boxer shorts on the end, it works on so many levels.

Mitchell: I guess you don't respect party themes.
Cam: You did NOT just say that.

We are beyond blotting and rubbing, we've moved on to sweating and crying.

If this were the '60s, we would be 'confirmed bachelors,' and Lily would be a Yorkie.

You don't tell your partner you may have a baby with someone else and then go back to eating a delicious and inventive meal like it's NOTHING!

Cam: Tell me all about Mitchell in high school. Did he have a beard?
Tracy: You're looking at her.

You are living in a little girl's toy and you have to move out!

Cam [to Barry]

Cam: There's a stranger in our hot tub.
Mitchell: Who is it?
Cam: You do know what stranger means, don't you?

She bit me! Ow! She did it again! It's like Twilight back here!

Cam: She's already prone to flashbacks, if you know what I mean.
Mitchell: You know she didn't fight in Vietnam, right?

We'll be on her like white on rice... which might sound racist because we're white and she, presumably, like rice.

Modern Family Quotes

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Gloria [punches guy]: Nobody calls him grandpa!
Luke: I do.