Carla: ...unless there are any questions, this meeting is adjourned.
Elliot: Oh!
Dr. Kelso, Turk & J.D.: Awww! Gosh!
Elliot: What?!
Dr. Kelso: For God's sake, Reid! There is a donkey-boy upstairs.

Carla: Hey, how could your intern Lisa sleep with him?
Elliot: She is a tramp with no morals.
Lisa: I didn't sleep with The Todd.
Elliot: Lisa is sweet and people just don't give her a chance.

Elliot: Hey, what did you do last night?
Carla: Turk made me watch "Anaconda" with him.
Elliot: Oh is that the one with the giant snake?
Todd: No. (Points to himself) This is the one with the giant snake. I was back here for 45 minutes waiting for a setup. My back is killing me, but I nailed it. It is about commitment.

Elliot: Oh my god, he looks so sad.
Carla: I just want to hold him like a big, gay baby.
Turk: This is incredible, an hour ago you hated him!
Carla: An hour ago he wasn't our new, gay best friend!

Carla: I'm having a weird pregnancy craving. Hey J.D., if you go out would you get me a hot Italian sausage?
Todd: I got a hot Italian sausage for you, right here. People think I just luck into these situations but it's really a lot of hard work. You know what else is hard? I should go.
J.D.: I think I may vomit.

Carla: You're wasting your time. You know how interns stick together. They're never going to rat each other out.
Elliot: What you're forgetting, Carla, is that I am sleeping with one of those interns. Now, seeing as I've already gotten Keith to pee sitting down, so that there's absolutely no chance of seat splatter, I'm betting that I'm probably going to be able to get him to talk.

Turk: Secondly, if Junior gets scared, he can always climb in the bed with us. That is what I did with my mom.
Carla: What do you mean, "did"? J.D., last Christmas, I walked in on Turk and his mom cuddling together in bed.
J.D.'s narration: Turk gets defensive when it comes to his mother.
Turk: I think you are just jealous because you're mother is dead!
J.D.: Whoa! We should probably take a break.

Carla: Keith, you'd better not tell her who did it.
Keith: But Elliot scares me.
Carla: Elliot is a blonde, 108 pound skipole from a cul-de-sac in Connecticut. I am an underpaid, pregnant nurse from the block who, over the next six months, will get fatter and angrier. Now, who are you really afraid of?

Dr. Cox: Hello! That is a nice ride, huh Dexter? I hate to bother you but could you explain to me one more time, what is it like to be a young, hip black guy?
Turk: You see Dr. Cox, what I'm going to do is to pimp this out. We are going to put in 22s on it and put some spinners on the 22s.
Carla: Oh and a DVD-player so the kids can watch Elmo!
Turk: You're killing me, woman!

Turk: You know what name I have always liked for a girl? Honor.
Carla: Turk, you know how mean boys are. They would be all like: I got Honor. Did you get Honor?
Turk: Yeah everybody got Honor. She is easy!
Carla:It is your daughter!
Turk: Yes it is.

Carla: At least you stopped crying.
Dr. Kelso: Not really. My body just can't produce tears anymore because I've intentionally dehydrated myself. It's a risky move, I know, but Dr. Jarvis here said it'd be alright.
Carla: There's nobody standing behind you.
Dr. Kelso: I'm going to need an IV.

Dr. Kelso: Nurse Espinosa, I need your help with something. My dog, Baxter, passed away last night. I dealt with it emotionally but, unfortunately, I can't stop crying. Anyway, I need you to run interference for me today; keep people from seeing me looking vulnerable and so forth.
Carla: So, you think I'll automatically do this? You think my ego is so big that I'll be flattered that I'm the only one you can open up to? I'll do it.

Scrubs Quotes

Jordan: All right, I will see you at home in about an hour. Remember to keep him warm, support his head, check his diaper every fifteen minutes; no bouncing around, no loud noise, no TV, no poking the soft spot. And, Perry, you're the only one in my life that I actually have to say this to: Do not yell at, demean, insult, criticize, humiliate, or mock the baby.
Dr. Cox: What are you talking about?
[Jack starts crying]
Dr. Cox: Waaaah!

Laverne: I need to see you in Mr. Bursky's room.
J.D.: Are you flirting with me? You are, aren't you!