Carla: I don't think we have anymore wine. Turk, can I have some of yours?
J.D.'s narration: I felt like Turk was starting to blame me for all of this.
Turk: (Spills his wine in J.D.'s face) I spilled mine too, honey. You know what you should do? Ask for some of J.D.'s.
J.D.: (Spills his wine on his crotch) I spilled mine too.

Dr. Cox: Hey Carla! You're glowing!
Carla: (Smiling) Really?!
Dr. Kelso: Nurse Espinosa, have your breasts gotten bigger?
Carla: Wow, Dr. Kelso! That's innapropriate!
Turk: Baby, that sounds like a compliment to me. Maybe you're just a little hormonal...

Needle: Excuse me nurse. How about a poke!
Carla: I have a husband! Ok. And he's big and he's black and-
Turk: Baby, Baby! It's me. But I do love that you go to that "big and black" stuff.
Carla: I can't wait to bear the fruit of your loins.

Carla: Hey you know wha- More armour?
Janitor: No, actually I'm uh, sneaking trays out of the cafeteria... I'm building a shed.

Elliot: Carla, the orderly lost my chart for Mr. Tyler in 406. Would we have his dosages in here somewhere?
Carla: You were gonna put him on penicillin but he was allergic so you were gonna put him on a gram of vancomycin.
Elliot: Thank you.
Janitor: You should put some of that crazy nurse memory to use on our missing dude.

Carla: How was your first stress-free day?
Turk: Horrible. And you?
Carla: Worse. Let's make a baby. If it doesn't work this time I'll kill myself.
Turk: Not helping with the stress.

I swear. If you don't knock me up more sex until you steal me a baby. So do it right this time.

Janitor: You know I made up that whole hawk story?
Carla: Yeah. I know you're not as weird as you want people to think you are.

Carla: J.D., why don't you tell me what's wrong with your patient Mrs. Jones. Without looking at your chart.
J.D.'s Narration: Carla knew that without charts, doctors didn't know much about their patients.
J.D.: Mr. Barry, I misplaced your chart. I forgot, what's wrong with you again? Oh, that's right. You have a kitty cat stuck in your mouth... Or should I say you have a person stuck around you, little guy. Goo-che-goo-che.

Carla: Kelso's gonna kill me. I can't find Mr. Sommers.
Janitor: Did you look between Mr. Spring and Mr. Fall? Ha ha, too easy.

J.D.: Carla, can you cover my patients?
Dr. Kelso: She's already watching someone for me.
J.D.: Alright, I'll find somebody else.
Carla: Why, because I'm just a nurse I can't look after everybody?
Dr. Kelso: Precisely.

Carla: You're worried about what I can handle? Vascular surgery wants an update every two hours on bed one. I'm weaning Mrs. Jones' Dopamine from 10mgs to 5. Mrs. Myerson's abdominal wound is dehiscing, and Mr. Wilder's about to be turfed to psych because he thinks he's Flo from Alice.
Wilder: Kiss my grits!
Carla: Exactly, Flo. Exactly.

Scrubs Quotes

Dr. Kelso: You know, you hurt my feelings earlier.
Dr. Cox: In my defense, you are a soulless creature from the netherworld who doesn't really have feelings

[Dr. Cox telling Kelso how much he misses him...]
Dr. Cox: When you were the Chief, you were a jackass and a nightmare and I hated you a great deal.
Dr. Kelso: That's a good start