Joey: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eating turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leaping and you geese are a-laying.
Chandler: Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.

Ho, ho, ho, holy crap is it hot in here!

Chandler: You know, I remember my father... all dressed up in the red suit, with the big black boots and the leather belt. Sneaking around downstairs, he didn't want anybody to see him, but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble, crash into something and wake everybody up.
Rachel: That doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.
Chandler: Who said anything about Christmas?

Phoebe: A plate of brownies once told me a limerick.
Chandler: Pheebs, let me ask you something... Were... were these, uh, "funny" brownies?
Phoebe: Not especially. But you know what, I think they had pot in them!

Chandler: Okay, let's do Julie. What's wrong with her?
Ross: She's not Rachel.

This must be so hard. "Oh no! Two women love me! They're both gorgeous and sexy! My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!"

Joey: Ross, listen. I got two words for you: Threesome.
Chandler: You still got one word left if you want to use it.

Chandler: All right, check out this bad boy. Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.
Phoebe: Wow. What are you gonna use it for?
Chandler: Games and stuff.

(Making up a story instead of reading The List) It was summer ... and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. "Oh look!" cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The end.

Chandler: My diary! My diary, that's brilliant. I should have told her it was my diary. She never would have made me read her my diary.
Monica: You know, that's true. You'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency.

Chandler: Okay, all right, look. Let's get logical about this, okay? We'll make a list. Rachel and Julie, pros and cons. Oh. We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts, and I can use different colors for each column.
Ross: Can't we just use a pen?
Chandler: No, Amish boy.

Phoebe: I... I cannot believe Ross even made this list. What a dinkus.
Joey: Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: What?
Chandler: Oh good, I was hoping that would come up.
Monica: This was your idea?
Phoebe: What were you thinking?
Chandler: (Squirming) All right, let's get some perspective here, okay? These things, they happen for a reason.
Monica: Yeah. You!
Chandler: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, okay? You believe in that karma crap, don't you?
Phoebe: Yeah. By the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.

Friends Quotes

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me.
Ross: What?
Joey: No way, I've been going to the guy for twelve years.
Chandler: Oh come on, he said he was going to do my inseem, then he ran his hand up my leg and then there was definite...
Ross: What? (Chandler closes his eyes)
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side then they move it back, and then they do the rear. Ross, will you tell him. Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is... in prison!