Chandler Bing Quotes
Monica: You, Bing. Racquetball in fifteen minutes.
Chandler: Joey, be a pal. Lift up my hand and smack her with it.
Monica: (Making Chandler do sit-ups) Come on, give me five more. Five more.
Chandler: (Weakly) No.
Monica: Five more and I'll flash you.
Phoebe: (About Ross kissing Julie outside the window) Ooh, Rachel, don't look.
Rachel: What? (Looks) Come on you guys, I don't care, I have a date tonight.
Joey: Woah, you have a date?
Rachel: Yeah, Monica's setting me up.
Joey: But, what about, Ross and uh...?
Rachel: Oh what, my whole insane jealousy thing? Well, you know, as much fun as that was, I've decided to opt for sanity.
Chandler: So you really okay about all this?
Rachel: Oh yeah, come on. I'm moving on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.
Monica: Chandler. I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project. Wanna work out? I can remake you.
Chandler: Oh, you know I would, but that might get in the way of my lying around time.
Monica: Please?
Everyone: Come on, let her do it!
Chandler: All right. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm going home.
Phoebe: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. (Hugs Chandler, but pretends her hands can't reach all the way around him) Oh, can't make... hands... meet...
(About Monica "helping" him workout) She's insane; the woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.
Chandler: No, no, no, no, no, no. (Opens the door for Monica) No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day.
Monica: Okay, if you say stop, then we stop.
Chandler: Okay, stop.
Joey: Oh, oh wait. That one's definitely Ben. Remember, he had that cute little mole by his mouth.
Chandler: Yeah?
Joey: Yeah.
Chandler: Hey, Ben, remember us? Okay, the mole came off.
Joey: Ah!
Caroline: I think it's great you guys are doing this.
Chandler: Well, we are great guys.
Caroline: You know, my brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt for three years. What agency did you two go through?
Joey: (About flipping the coin) All right ... ducks are heads, because ducks ... have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?
Chandler: (On pay phone) Come on, pick up, pick up! Hello? Transit Authority? Yes, hello. I'm doing research for a book, and I was wondering what someone might do if they left a baby on a city bus. Yes, I do realize that would be a very stupid character.
(Hands phone to Joey)
Joey: Hi, here's the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It's white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it. (Hands the phone back to Chandler) He wants to talk to you again.
Ross: (Mumbling due to swollen tongue) Thumrthel, thubrthel thbhrth!
Chandler: (To Joey) You understood that?
Joey: My uncle had a really big tongue.
Chandler: Is he the one with the really beautiful wife?
Monica: What if my own baby hates me? Huh? What am I gonna do then?
Chandler: Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend yet. (Awkward pause) Joey, she does not look fat.
