Chandler Bing Quotes
Chandler: What's this in my pocket? Why it's Joey's porno movie.
Ross: Pop it in.
Joey: I'm fine with it. I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people.
Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But, it's gone now. You're alright.
Joey: (Watching his porno) Shh, okay, here I come, here I come. See I'm coming to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinking what do I do, what do I do?... so I just watch them have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line: "You know that's bad for the paper tray."
Chandler: Nice work my friend.
Joey: Thank you. Wait wait wait wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blocking me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am...
Chandler: (About his third nipple) It's just a tiny bump, it doesn't even do anything!
Rachel: Oh, as opposed to your other, multi-functional nipples?
Julie: You know, in some cultures, having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts and women dance naked around you.
Chandler: Huh. Are any of these cultures perchance in the tri-state area?
Chandler: (About the porno) Okay, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
Monica: All I say is, she better get the job.
Ross: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.
Ross: Oh darn it... we're all out of milk. (Holds the pitcher up to Chandler's chest) Hey, Chandler, will you fill me up here?
Chandler: Oh I see, because of the third nipple thing. (Laughing sarcastically)
Monica: Look at all this crap!
Chandler: Actually I believe this place sullies the good name of crap.
Chandler: And now I have to get a snake.
Phoebe: Ah huh...why is that?
Chandler: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing. Y'know, a hook; like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be crazy man with a snake! Y'know, Crazy Snake Man! And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids won't walk past my place they will run! "Run away from Crazy Snake Man!!" they'll shout!
Joey: (Joey reads Mr Heckles' book) Hey, there's me! April 17th. Excessive noise. Italian guy comes homes with a date. Hey Chandler, look, you're in here too.
Chandler: April 18th, excessive noise. Italian guy's gay roommate brings home dry-cleaning.
Chandler: I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I bitch about the fact that there aren't any great women out there.
Rachel: Chandler, you have just described virtually every man that we have ever gone out with.
Monica: You're not a freak, you're a guy.
Phoebe: You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason.
Chandler: Maureen Rosilla.
Ross: Not hating Yanni is not a real reason.
