I want music and dancing and secondhand smoke!

I just wanted to spend my night with some fun gay people. It's not my fault this one decided to be straight!

Haley: Did my 3rd grade teacher say I have ADD or something.
Claire: No honey she said you couldn't A-D-D because she also knew you couldn't S-P-E-L-L.

Mitchell is turning Gloria into mom.

Phil: If I had a son I'd want him to be like Kenneth.
Claire: You do have a son.

Listen to me, your whole life has led to this moment. All the training, the hours of dedication, there's not a soul alive that can touch you when it comes to shopping and baby you know it. Look at me, be you!

Claire: Oh thank God, here comes Phil and the butterball.
Manny: Hey, I have a name!!

Honey don't you think it's weird that one of your friends is an 80-year-old man?

Claire: I assure you, you are fine.
Phil: That's very comforting coming from a marketing major at a party school.

The way we compete with each other is sick! Two 13-year-olds knew how to take advantage of us.

Luke: You yelled at my teacher for calling me special.
Claire: Hunnie that wasn't a compliment.

A minute you're just friends watching Falcon Crest and the next, you're lying underneath the air hockey table with your bra in your pocket