I didn't even know you could pronounce the name of your store. I thought it was a four letter keltic symbol for failure.

When did we all turn against Mayer?

Wow, that's what 275 pounds of lonely looks like.

Jane: A summer birthday really matches my easy breezy vibe.
Dave: Easy breezy vibe? I thought you had more of a dead of winter, girl with the dragon tattoo, Sarsgaard Murderhouse vibe.

Max: Hello this is not a foursome, you guys are totally fifth wheeling me!
Dave: C'mon man we're not fifth wheeling you, Joey Fatone.
Brad: Yeah you're still part of the group Sporty Spice.
Jane: You're our favorite character Roz from Frasier.

Henceforth, I will now be known as "has or deals with clams."

Dave: You guys wouldn't understand, neither of your ancestors were at the first Thanksgiving
Jane: Ok, neither were the Navajo.
Dave: One of our many snubs.

If I don't show up with a sack of clams I'm gonna look like a real dope!

Old Dave and Alex never made any effort to be romantic at all. You and I just tried so hard we shut down O'Hare for two hours.

Dave: All that's in here his travel Guess Who and a terrifying amount of condoms.
Alex: They're for your penis.

Why do I always have to be LaToya?

Dave: Alex and Dave, much like Dave's new haircut are keeping it cazsh.
Alex: Trust us the last thing we want is for things to get complicated like in It's Complicated, so we're just gonna go with it like in Just Go With It and be friends with benefits like in No Strings Attached.

Happy Endings Quotes

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]

The weird part is, now that I have a guy, everybody wants to set me up. Oh I know Al! I should hook you up with one of my "extras."