Shane: Are you eating your napkin?
Doug: No (he is).

Can you just breathe on me so that I can smell some food.

My favorite movie is Cool Hand Luke, but really it's Steel Magnolias

Doug: I don't know where they went!
Goon 1: Bullshit.

Dean: My rate is five hundred dollars an hour
Doug: Wooo... that better include a rim job

Getting laid was easy in the seventies. I drove a Camaro.

How do you ask the woman that makes your kids' lunches to suck your balls and spread her ass open like a geometry compass? How, Andy?

Oh, it's a weed wonderland, Nancy. Like Amsterdam, only better, because you don't have to visit the Anne Frank house and pretend to be all sad and stuff.

Nance, trust me, a bakery is virtually impossible to run without drug money.

Andy Botwin: How can you be so blindly pro-Bush?
Doug Wilson: I like his wife Laura... I used to buy weed from her at SMU.

Did you try the Sag Aloo? It's to die for and then be reincarnated and then die for again.

Weeds Quotes

I'm the suburban baroness of bud, Nancy.

Nancy Botwin

You've made your bed, now f**k in it.

Nancy Botwin