Dr. Gregory House Quotes
Masters: What about a tutor?
Taub: I don't need a tutor.
House: Tutor it is. Choose your poison. Chase, if you prefer pounding Aussie beers and commiserating over the suckiness of divorce. Masters, if you want nervous energy, flash cards, and obnoxious pieces of arcane trivia. Foreman, if you need to be berated by a humorless hard-ass.
Taub: Foreman.
House: Interesting. You must be more worried than you look.
His name is Sarah. Cats are not named that. Women are. What the Freud is that about?
You're rapidly approaching end stage male spinster-ism.
House [to Wilson]
Masters: That makes no logical sense.
House: This is not a door to logical sense. Also, shut up.
Dr. Foreman: Aren't there other ways of keeping Masters occupied?
House: Not according to my sexual harassment seminar.
Taub: You bugged her room?
House: I absolutely, without apology, will admit that someone may have allegedly done so.
Masters: Guess we can pass unethical and skip straight to illegal.
House: Not according to the recent Supreme Court case of Bite vs. Me.
Arlene: You think I'm a hypochondriac?
House: Well, let me answer this way: maybe you're imagining that I think you're a hypochondriac.
Dr. Wilson: I am not giving you advice just so you can distort it to suit your own warped world view.
House: But it's been working so well.
House: It's uh, bowling night. He'll never forgive me if I don't. Oh, screw it. I'm coming.
Dr. Cuddy: No, no. no. I am not going to be responsible for that. You drugged the man, you go bowling with him.
House: Well, my chances of sex are considerably lower with Wilson.
Arlene: My own daughter is a doctor. She makes a hobby of dismissing my concerns.
House: She sounds smart.
Arlene: Did she tell you to say that?
House: I've never met your daughter.
Arlene: That's hard to believe, since you're currently shtupping her.
Masters: Why is your assumption of his guilt more valid than my assumption of his selflessness?
House: Because my assumption is baked up by millions of men, and Taub, who cheated on their wives.
We finally know what Tuab would look like if he were life-size
