Dwight Schrute Quotes
Dwight: Store only has three employees.
Michael: So what?
Dwight: It means they are not expanding.
Michael: Maybe they are shrinking.
Dwight: No.
Michael: They could be shrinking.
Dwight: No because their sign is centered perfectly above their store. No sign of the sign being moved.
Dwight: Are you socialist?
Michael: You know what? I don't want to get into this debate again. I enjoy IHOP.
Dwight: I'll have a cup of a coffee.
Michael: You will have pancakes and you'll like it.
Dwight: Okay, let's go over the plan again.
Michael: Alright, I am a local business owner. I need to buy paper. I find out everything about their prices and policies.
Dwight: Your fictitious name?
Michael: Michael Scarn.
Dwight: I am a paper salesman looking for a new job. I find out everything about their expenses and salaries.
Michael: Okay.
Dwight: Then we meet at the Denny's...
Michael: No.
Dwight: ...and then we compare notes.
Michael: No, no, I never said Denny's. IHOP.
Dwight: No! You know how I feel about IHOP.
Dwight: [riding in car with Michael] What if the owner of Prince Family Paper has a beautiful daughter and we have to seduce her to get the family secrets?
Michael: I will seduce her.
Dwight: No, I wanna seduce her.
Michael: No, I will seduce her.
Dwight: Please Michael, please.
Michael: No, I got it.
Dwight: You'll fall in love with her.
Michael: Yeah, so what if I did? That would take precedence and I would expect your support.
Dwight: What's this?
Jim: Looks like a red wire.
Dwight: Hmm. It wasn't here before.
Jim: Well it's a computer Dwight, computers have wires.
Dwight: Yours doesn't.
Jim: Doesn't it?
Dwight: No, it's going in a different direction then the other wires.
Andy: I don't get it! How can she be sleeping with you this whole time and only sleep with me twice?
Dwight: What?
Andy: What!
Dwight: She's sleeping with you?
Andy: I'm her fiance.
Dwight: She said she was only sleeping with me.
Dwight: Oh, how much is this gonna cost? [hits car with bike chain] Oh! What? Trust fund will take care of that! [hits car again]
Andy: What did you say? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.
Dwight: I sa- [Andy honks horn]
Andy: What? You stupid idiot! You're like, you're like a Sasquatch! You live in the woods...
Dwight: Sasquatches are the strongest animal on the planet! So fine, call me a Sasquatch!
Jim: Dwight! Are your legs broken?
Dwight: No. My right one's falling asleep a little bit.
Jim: Andy, are you all right?
Andy: Go away, Tuna! I'm winning this!
Dwight: Get out and face me like a man!
Andy: I am a man! I'm a bigger man than you'll ever be! I would never sleep with another man's fiance!
Dwight: You're not a man! You don't know how to take care of her! All you do is dress fancy and sing. [imitating Andy] "La la la la la la la la la la!" What does that mean? You can't even protect her!
Andy: Protect her from what? Bears, you idiot? When's the last time you saw a damn bear in Scranton?
Dwight: Last year, idiot!
Come on, coward! Where are you? Where... [spots a note attached to the bushes; goes to read it] "From the desk of Andrew Bernard." A note. Pathetic. "Dear Dwight, by now you have received my note. How are you? I am well. You are no doubt wondering why I have left this note. It has come to my attention that in any physical match with you, I would surely be bested." True. "The soft underbelly of my refined upbringing is my soft underbelly..."
Dwight: Come on! Where are you? Let's do this thing! Come on! Come on out!
Angela: [watching from the conference room] I can't believe they're gonna fight over me.
Kelly: I guess people have fewer choices as they get older.
Andy: I will fight you.
Jim: Nope.
Dwight: Okay, fine! Good! A duel! The winner gets Angela.
Andy: Fine!
Dwight: Fine!
Oscar: This is nuts.
Dwight: What is your weapon?
Jim: Okay, you know what? That's enough. Because...
Dwight: Hey, this is none of your business.
Jim: Hey. It is my business when it happens at work.
Andy: Guess what? Not happening at work.
Dwight: Yes!
Andy: We're gonna do it outside.
Dwight: Outside of work.
Andy: None of your business.
Dwight: None of your business then. [they high five] Good. So what weapon?
Andy: My bare hands.
Dwight: That is stupid. I will use a sword and I will cut off your bare hands.
Andy: Then I'll get something too.
