Dwight Schrute Quotes
Andy: I'm telling you to back down.
Dwight: And I'm telling you that I will never back down.
Andy: Then I'll make you.
Dwight: Oh really? How are you gonna do that?
Andy: Through the use of force.
Dwight: That is very general, and does not scare me in the slightest.
Andy: Dwight.
Dwight: Andy.
Andy: It's over.
Dwight: Oh good. She broke up with you.
Andy: No. It's over between you two.
Dwight: Uh, no way. I am not giving up.
Andy: You have to.
Dwight: No I don't.
Andy: She doesn't love you. She's marrying me.
Dwight: Well I don't know about that, because she certainly seems to enjoy making lovemaking with me.
Andy: Angela Bernard.
Dwight: Will never be her name.
Andy: It will be her name. And you will have to call her that!
Dwight: I don't think so.
David: So listen, Michael, your branch has been doing great lately, and your sales staff is reporting very strong numbers. Out-performing last year, in fact. Um, and I don't know exactly how to put this, but... what are you doing right?
Michael: Right what?
Jim: This is really not how this is supposed to happen.
Dwight: Angela said she was going to tell him. She's just not ready.
Michael: When will she be ready?
Dwight: I don't know.
Michael: Is she crazy in bed?
Dwight: [boastfully] Yes.
Jim: Stop. What?
Michael: How so, specifically?
Jim: Okay, listen.
Dwight: Eager.
Jim: This shouldn't happen at work.
Dwight: And flexible.
Jim: And!
Michael: Really?
Jim: This shouldn't be coming from his boss. And we should also consider the fact that that man has an anger issue.
Michael: It's too late.
Jim: Well it's not too late, because you haven't done anything.
Michael: I am already walking.
Dwight: Michael, once this gets out... I don't know how it's going to go down.
Michael: Okay, what does that mean?
Angela: What is it?
Dwight: You've got to tell Andy about us.
Angela: That is a terrible idea. One of your worst.
Dwight: Get it over with. Then we don't have to hide anymore.
Angela: You're expanding on your worst idea.
Dwight: Do you love me or not?
Angela: I've already admitted that I do. Why do you keep making me repeat it?
Dwight: Because you're engaged to Andy.
Dwight: Rule 17: don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during mating season. There are forty rules all Schrute boys must learn before the age of five. [sings] Learn your rules. You better learn your rules. If you don't, you'll be eaten in your sleep.
Michael: [sighs] How can he still not know?
Jim: We can't figure that out.
Michael: I can't take it anymore.
Dwight: Wait, what? You can't take what?
Michael: I am telling Andy.
Dwight: No. You can't do that. It shouldn't come from you.
Michael: Who should it come from, then?
Everyone: [simultaneously] Angela.
Phyllis: I need you to put the Christmas tree back up.
Angela: It's outside.
Phyllis: I didn't ask you where it was. I told you where it needs to be.
Angela: Shut up.
Phyllis: Excuse me?
Angela: I'm not moving the tree. Face it. The only power you have over me is this big secret that I know you're not going to tell. And you want to know how I know that? Because then you won't be able to plan your stupid, tacky parties anymore. So you move the tree.
Phyllis: Okay. [turns to everyone] Angela's having sex with Dwight. I caught them doing it after Toby's going away party.
Dwight: Don't look so surprised.
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-ka-ching!
Jim: That's the Christmas spirit.
Dwight: I am simply punishing those parents that would wait till the last minute to get their child a gift. And such a genetically improbable one. Look at that. How does that happen? King has sex with a unicorn? Man with a horn has sex with a royal horse?
Jim: Yes.
Michael: Oh, hey, is that Princess Unicorn? I thought they were all sold out.
Dwight: They are now.
Michael: Cool. [sings] My horn can pierce the sky!!
Jim: Ah. You brought in your doll collection.
Dwight: These are not dolls, Jim. These are commodities. Same as gold or oil.
Dwight: What is this?
Jim: Happy Holidays, Dwight. But do not open it till Christmas.
Dwight: You're so pathetic. How long did this take you? Three hours?
Jim: Five minutes actually. I am a black belt in gift wrapping.
Dwight: Yeah, no such thing. They don't give out black belts for things that are stupid.
