South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralEric Cartman Quotes
(Cartman is in the movies after losing his sense of humor)
Guy 1: Dude, why are you wearing Shilaynas' panties?
(Crowd laughs)
Guy 2: I had to wear Shilaynas' panties, Lisa's were in the wash.
(Crowd Laughs)
Guy 1: Look can we just get this over with?
Guy 2: But dude I can't french kiss him, he's my Grandpa.
(Crowd laughs)
Guy 1: Come on dude.
Guy 2: Oh alright here it goes, come here Grandpa
(Crowd laughs and cheers except for Cartman)
Cartman: Aw, dude! Bah.
Audience member: Dude, what's wrong with you?
Cartman: Nothing's wrong with me!
Guy 2: Well I'm glad that's over with. We better go back to the house now to see how Chris is doing.
Cartman: Ahahahaha.......haha...Uh.
Cartman:Whatever. All I know is that I can laugh again, I'm gonna go home and eat another chocolate gun, come on Kenny!
(A motorbike runs over Kenny)
Cartman: Bahahahaha!
Yeah well I guess now we'll have to call him Ben Ass-fleck.
(When Cartman shows everyone Kenny's picture)
Cartman: Dude, check it out! It's the sweetest thing I've ever done!
Kenny: (muffled) YOU'VE ever done?
(about Afghanistan) What is this? The freakin' Flintstones?
(kisses Osama bin Laden) Ooo, tastes like chicken; the ASS of a chicken!
(about Afghanistan) God, what a craphole, dude! This is like East Denver! Jesus Christ!
Kyle: (after Stan puts up the miniature flag) Dude, I thought those Afghani kids talked to us about not liking America...
Stan: No, dude. America might have some problems, but it's our home. Our country. Our team. And if you don't want to root for your team, then just get the hell out of the stadium.
Kyle: Yeah.
Stan: Go America. Go Broncos.
Kyle: Yeah, go Broncos.
Cartman: Yeah.
Ms. Choksondik: Alright, children, now I've sure you already know, but the president has asked that all American children send one dollar to the children of Afghanistan. Now I've got a list of addresses and we're all going to chip in...
Cartman: Ha! I'm not giving a dollar to those towel-heads!
Ms. Choksondik: Eric, the Afghan people need our help!
Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry, but I thought we're at war with these assholes!
Wendy: We're at war with terrorists, fat-ass, not with Afghanistan! And the reason you'd care is so you don't give them a dollar!
Cartman: (stands up) That dollar buys me a chocolate milk for lunch! What, you want me to get a regular milk for 50 cents?? Now look... It's not our fault that terrorists hate us; we're just kids. We're not the one's dropping bombs on them; we're just caught in the middle. It's not our fault.
Wendy: The Afghan people are caught in the middle, too.
Cartman: Yes, but they're sand-monkeys!
Ms. Choksondik: Alright, children, settle down! We're all sending dollars to the children of Afghanistan, that's it, end of discussion!
Cartman: (sits down) GODDAMMIT, I HATE REGULAR MILK!!!
Cartman: I told you Jawas have no hearts.
Kyle: Jawas?
Cartman: You know, Sand People.
Eh What's up, Bin Laden?
Cartman: Hey, look! An infidel!
(Osama Bin Laden looks the other way as Cartman pantses him. Then, there are many magnifying glasses from off screen placed in front of his crotch and sign pops up from off screen reading "Tiny, ain't it?!".)
Cartman: (after Osama pulls his pants up) So THAT'S what this is all about...
