Jonathan: Have you let someone move in right after you slept with them?
George: Yes, three times disastrous.

I'm going to drink as much booze and smoke as much pot as I want. Thank you very much.

Oh this is wonderful!

George: Hey, Jonathan told me that you are quite the ladies man nowadays.
Ray: That's right, I've been with two woman since Leigh left me. A drunk and an elf.

Why are you always picking on me? I don't procrastinate. I just like to do things later.

George: Oh Ray, Happy Birthday!
Ray: Oh you shouldn't have, but I'm glad you did.

The best positive thinking in life is thinking of others.

I don't have to go to rehab. I have cancer.

I have to take a drug test?

Okay we both need to do better with our positive thinking.

I'm going to blame myself for this prostate cancer.

I don't negotiate with kidnapers or terrorists.

Bored to Death Quotes

Men face reality. Women don't. That why men need to drink.


I've always been intrigued by Stockholm Syndrome. Make me think of my childhood.