I look like a fucking FBI agent.

I'll always be buzzing around like a gnat, like a well-hung gnat, with a dream.

Get a load of black Jesus, he turn water in whiskey too?

Hank: Well here's to difficult daughters.
Julia: Cheers.
Hank: And uh here's to mothers who drink with strangers.
Julia: Cheers, Cheers.

Girl makes it sound so pleasant. I have one big pain in the ass teenage daughter.

Hank: I'm a writer Sasha not a fuck toy.
Sasha: Don't look now but your manpon string is hanging out.

Hank: I feel a hate crime coming on.
Charlie: Don't be hatin' on the good news dance.

Don't blame me because you were born with a clit for a cock and a tiny little beanbag to house what passes for balls.

Marcy

Hank: So fucking mature that I want to punch myself in the dick.
Karen: Do it!

I love me some morning sex. Daylight, smelly puss, bad breathe, bring it!

It's decided then, I'm going out tonight. Like Zig, I'm jerkin myself to Jesus.

I can't help it if some cock tard in a fedora takes a picture at the exact wrong moment.

Californication Quotes

Welcome to the place where time stands still, where whiskey flows and always will. Your liver never pickles your heart never aches. You can fuck till your dick is cunt-ent.

Lou

I feel like the good lord himself picked me up with his bare hands, laid me down on a bed of rusty nails, pinned my ankles behind my ears and just stuck it in. No Vaseline no lube no nothin. Not even a little spittle. That mother fu-ker just took his Darth Vader helmet, that big Darth Vader helmet and just rammed it home. He wrecked my pretty little virgin a--hole, my sweet little brown bud. Pulled out, came on my t-ts, wiped his di-k on the curtains and left me for dead. That's just me. How bout you guys?

Hank