Jay: If I didn't say it, it's a big deal, you going here.
Manny: If I didn't say it, I couldn't have done it without you.

No one wants your stupid science, Alex!

Mitchell: I ran into this guy who runs the bait shop.
Jay: Is that a gay bar?

Mitchell: I ran into this guy who runs the bait shop.
Jay: Is that a gay bar?

Gloria: Jay, don't forget Joe's new doll.
Jay: Cam and Mitchell, always pushing their agenda.

Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.

You're not working for the rolo-dex stealing Earl Chambers!

All I wanted was to bribe my way into that school by making cubbies that stuff didn't fall out of.

It would kill me if I thought that what I felt would hold you back from getting something that you wanted.

I gotta stop talking to that kid while I'm drinking.

Jay: Name two cabinet level positions.
Gloria: That's easier. There's the higher one for the glasses, and the lower one for the pots and the pans.

The family needs a leader, and I can't do it forever. You can handle it.

Modern Family Quotes

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Gloria [punches guy]: Nobody calls him grandpa!
Luke: I do.